Posts Tagged ‘comedy’

 

The Wedding Laughbox

by Julia Kent

 

(Shopping for a Billionaire, #3)
Publication date: November 8th 2022
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary, Romance

The Wedding Laughbox contains FIVE full-length novels and ONE ALL NEW NOVELLA! – from a variety of New York Times bestselling romantic comedy author Julia Kent’s series.

It’s wedding season, and what’s better than a wedding in rom com style?

Julia Kent’s madcap style, that is.

How about a campground double wedding with three grooms and two brides? (What? Yep…) Or a billionaire and his betrothed escaping their own wedding to flee to Vegas? Paparazzi galore and a stubborn father of the groom ruining a CEO’s planned nuptials until he takes matters into his own hands and does love his way? A disgruntled older sister watching her sister find wedded bliss and maybe, just maybe, finding her own love with a rival billionaire?

With five different stories you get bridezillas, momzillas — even a billionaire dadzilla – with over-the-top fun and lush, luxurious settings, all wrapped up in community, connection, and loads of fun.

This boxed set includes:

Shopping for a Billionaire’s Wife

Shopping for a CEO’s Wife

It’s Always Complicated

Random Acts of Love

Hasty

And an ALL NEW novella featuring Will and Mallory from the book Fluffy, as they go on their honeymoon and discover that life is nothing but a series of coincidences as their past comes back to haunt them with hilarious results.

Sink into SIX humor-filled books that pour you into wedding planning, bachelorette and bachelor parties, give you all the wedding jitters and proud family moments, all wrapped up in a huge boxed set you can sink into and find your way to long-term love.

Note: each of these books can be read as a standalone, but they are part of larger series. All of my Laughbox boxed sets are designed to give readers a taste of my books, centered on a specific concept (in this case, weddings). Full disclosure for readers.

Goodreads / Amazon / Barnes & Noble / iBooks / Kobo

 

About Author Julia Kent:

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Julia Kent writes romantic comedy with an edge. Since 2013, she has sold more than 2 million books, with 4 New York Times bestsellers and more than 21 appearances on the USA Today bestseller list. Her books have been translated into French, German, and Italian, with more titles releasing in the future.
From billionaires to BBWs to new adult rock stars, Julia finds a sensual, goofy joy in every contemporary romance she writes. Unlike Shannon from Shopping for a Billionaire, she did not meet her husband after dropping her phone in a men’s room toilet (and he isn’t a billionaire she met in a romantic comedy).

She lives in New England with her husband and three children where she is the only person in the household with the gene required to change empty toilet paper rolls.

She loves to hear from her readers by email at julia@jkentauthor.com, on Twitter @jkentauthor, on Facebook at @jkentauthor, and on Instagram @jkentauthor. Visit her at http://jkentauthor.com

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Hate, Rinse, Repeat
by Whitney Dineen and Melanie Summers

 

(A Gamble on Love Mom-Com, #3)
Publication date: October 28th 2022
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary, Romance

Christmas is a time for hate…

Maisy Moore is not looking forward to the holiday season. As owner of the only hair salon in Gamble, Alaska, she’ll be run off her feet helping her clients get dolled up for Christmas and New Years Eve parties. Parties she’ll never be invited to.

But that’s not the worst of it. As a single mom, she knows she still won’t be able to give her seven-year-old son, Jack, the kind of magical Christmas his classmates get. Telling him how much she loves him will only get a kid that age so far. If only she could give him what he really wants—to know who his dad is.

The last thing Maisy needs is for NHL star Chase Evans to come waltzing back into town like he’s God’s gift to women. But that’s exactly what Chase does.

After a taking a crosscheck from behind, Chase’s season is over. Instead of scoring goals, he’s recovering from shoulder surgery, and according to his mother, there’s no better place to recover than home. Because let’s face it, basking in the glow of local adoration won’t be too bad. There are no fans quite like hometown fans.

The last thing Chase expects is to find Maisy Moore still single. He decides to see if maybe they could rekindle their brief romance that occurred the night of their ten-year high school reunion. But when he tries to talk to her, he discovers Maisy’s feelings of lust have turned to loathing. And he’s determined to find out why.

Will Maisy manage to keep the identity of her son a secret? Will there be a holiday miracle that will reunite two hard-headed lovers? Will the BOGO special on shampoo and conditioner be a hit?

Find out in the deliciously funny and ridiculously romantic final installment of the Love is a Gamble Mom-Com Series.

Goodreads / Amazon / Barnes & Noble

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Enjoy this peek inside:

Childhood can be hard at the best of times. But when your name rhymes with crazy, lazy, hazy, daisy, and Swayze—as in Patrick—it’s worse than you can imagine. Here are a few phrases I heard ad nauseum during my formative years:

“It’s crazy Maisy with the lazy eye!” Corrective glasses fixed the eye, but there’s no coming back from such an abysmal start to your school years. Kind of like if you wore a body brace in middle school, you will always be the girl who wore the body brace in middle school. And if you wore a body brace and had a lazy eye? It was no picnic, let me tell you.

An actual allergy to allergy medication—you can’t make this stuff up—was to blame for my third-grade teacher often complaining, “Maisy was a little hazy today.”

I have Dr. Seuss to thank for, “It’s Daisy Head Maisy!” That’s right, his first posthumous book was gunning for me. I turned down free tickets to Seussical (the musical) because of it.

Finally, my least favorite and most often heard—thank you, Chase Evans—“Maisy Swayzeee, wassup?!” This one was often accompanied by, “Nobody puts Maisy in the corner.”

Being that I live in the town where I grew up, I’m often reminded of my past nicknames. Owning the only hair salon in Gamble, Alaska, means old classmates and their mothers are always hanging around (and bringing their hilarious memories of me with them—Remember that time your back brace got caught in the monkey bars?).

If having a challenging start to life wasn’t enough, I’ve made one or two questionable decisions along the way that have added to my troubles. The first being that the father of my son does not know he’s the father of my son.

I know, I know, “secret baby” is by far the worst romance trope. As romance novels are my only social life, I read a ton of them. And even before I got pregnant with Jack, I always passed on the secret baby ones. I mean, who keeps a secret that big?

Short answer—me. But I have my reasons. More on that later because I’ve got much bigger problems these days.

 

 

Author Bio:

Whitney loves to laugh, play with her kids, bake, and eat french fries — not always in that order.

Whitney is a multi-award-winning author of romcoms, non-fiction humor, and middle reader fiction. Basically, she writes whatever the voices in her head tell her to.

She lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her husband, Jimmy, where they raise children, chickens, and organic vegetables.

Gold Medal winner at the International Readers’ Favorite Awards, 2017.

Silver medal winner at the International Readers’ Favorite Awards, 2015, 2016.

Finalist RONE Awards, 2016.

Finalist at the IRFA 2016, 2017.

Finalist at the Book Excellence Awards, 2017

Finalist Top Shelf Indie Book Awards, 2017

Author links
Website / Goodreads / Facebook / Twitter / Instagram

Melanie Summers also writes steamy romance as MJ Summers.

Melanie made a name for herself with her debut novel, Break in Two, a contemporary romance that cracked the Top 10 Paid on Amazon in both the UK and Canada, and the top 50 Paid in the USA. Her highly acclaimed Full Hearts Series was picked up by both Piatkus Entice (a division of Hachette UK) and HarperCollins Canada. Her first three books have been translated into Czech and Slovak by EuroMedia. Since 2013, she has written and published three novellas, and eight novels (of which seven have been published). She has sold over a quarter of a million books around the globe.

In her previous life (i.e. before having children), Melanie got her Bachelor of Science from the University of Alberta, then went on to work in the soul-sucking customer service industry for a large cellular network provider that shall remain nameless (unless you write her personally – then she’ll dish). On her days off, she took courses and studied to become a Chartered Mediator. That designation landed her a job at the R.C.M.P. as the Alternative Dispute Resolution Coordinator for ‘K’ Division. Having had enough of mediating arguments between gun-toting police officers, she decided it was much safer to have children so she could continue her study of conflict in a weapon-free environment (and one which doesn’t require makeup and/or nylons).

Melanie resides in Edmonton with her husband, three young children, and their adorable but neurotic one-eyed dog. When she’s not writing novels, Melanie loves reading (obviously), snuggling up on the couch with her family for movie night (which would not be complete without lots of popcorn and milkshakes), and long walks in the woods near her house. She also spends a lot more time thinking about doing yoga than actually doing yoga, which is why most of her photos are taken ‘from above’. She also loves shutting down restaurants with her girlfriends. Well, not literally shutting them down, like calling the health inspector or something–more like just staying until they turn the lights off.

She is represented by Suzanne Brandreth of The Cooke Agency International.

Author links
Website / Goodreads / Facebook / Twitter / Instagram

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Queen of Hearts

by Whitney Dineen

 

(Seven Brides for Seven Mothers, #6)
Publication date: October 14th 2022
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary, Romance

* All books in this series read as standalones.

Queen Charlotte of Malquar has a talent. She’s already helped two of her children find mates, and now she’s convinced her daughter’s new secretary would be a perfect partner for her remaining single son.

Agnes Dupuis has a plan. She’s going to work for the royal family for a couple of years before opening her own upscale employment agency. When she starts her job with Princess Aubrey, she knows everything is on track. After a short time, she gets transferred to the crown prince’s staff, and she couldn’t be more ecstatic.

At thirty-five, Prince Andrew knows it’s past time for him to find a bride. Unfortunately, it’s a nearly impossible task. While he would like to marry for love, it doesn’t look like that will be an option. His future wife will be queen one day and she must have all the necessary skill sets to thrive in that role.

Sparks fly when Agnes and Drew start to work together. Drew fights his attraction for his new secretary as hard as he can. Meanwhile, Agnes doesn’t know what she’s doing wrong. She can’t seem to do anything to make the prince happy.

Will Queen Charlotte be responsible for another match? Or are Agnes and Drew destined to forever butt heads.

Find out in the deliciously fun sixth installment of the Seven Brides for Seven Mothers Series

Goodreads / Amazon

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Enjoy this peek inside:

Sir, I have the update you requested on McMillian.” In the month that I’ve been Prince Andrew’s secretary, I can count on one hand the number of times he’s looked at me when I’m speaking. Currently, I’m attempting to communicate with his back.

Waving his hand in the air in what I can only construe as a dismissive manner, he says, “Leave it on my desk and I’ll read it later.”

“It’s not a written update.” Try as I might, I can’t keep the edge from my voice. While the rest of the royal family treat me kindly, Andrew has never been so inclined. He acts like I’m his own personal robot who doesn’t require basic courtesy.

He continues to face the window, allowing me the opportunity to study him. He’s taller than most at three inches over six feet, with proud broad shoulders, and short dark hair so thick a bird could nest in it—there’s something about my new boss’s appearance that brings to mind Disney’s Prince Charming. It was Cinderella who had the bird fetish, right?

“Then put it in writing and leave it on my desk.” The sharpness of his tone snatches me from the precipice of the illusion that Andrew might have Charming’s personality. No, nothing charming here.

“Yes, sir.” I shift on my heels as I start to feel a blister forming. These infernal stilettos. I could wear sporting shoes to work for all Prince Andrew would ever notice. “Will that be all, sir?”

He abruptly turns around and glares at me, his penetrating brown eyes practically nailing me to the floor. “No, that’s not all. Will McMillian be coming back to work soon?”

“Um … well … I wouldn’t think so. He’s still in San Francisco receiving treatments for his Parkinson’s disease.”

The prince grunts loudly. “Has his replacement been found yet?”

Is this guy a moron? “I’m his replacement, sir. I thought you knew that.” My spine straightens, making me very close to his own height with my new shoes.

“I was under the impression you were a temp.” His eyebrow cocks in such a supercilious manner, it’s all I can do not to punch him.

“I started out that way, but I was informed last week that I was doing such a good job I was being made a permanent member of your staff.” Put that in your pipe …

“Who told you that?” he demands angrily. Instead of letting me answer that the Master of Household himself told me, Andrew continues, “As far as I’m concerned, you are not permanent.”

How in the world am I supposed to respond to that? The whole point of me working in the royal household is to make a strong enough connection to open my own employment agency. Once I do that, I’ll be able to supply staff to the palace. The only way that’s going to happen is to impress my current boss. The same man who appears to hate me.

So, while I want to take my shoe off and smack Andrew over the head with the sharp pointed heel, I force myself to ask, “Is there something you’d like me to do that I’m not currently doing?”

His glare darkens as he takes a step forward. I stand rooted to the floor, unable to look away. “You’re a woman.”

“How astute of you.” Yes, my response is snotty, but I’ve had just about enough of being treated like a disposable entity by this patronizing man.

“Excuse me?” Another step.

“Prince Andrew, my being a woman in no way hinders my ability to perform my duties with precision. In fact, I would argue that my being a woman makes me more efficient.”

“How do you figure that?” How in the world did I have a crush on this arrogant beast throughout my entire adolescence? I don’t care how gorgeous he is, the prince is not a nice man. Let me rephrase that. He’s not nice to me. He seems to love everyone else.

“Women are much better multi-taskers than men.” I raise one finger in the air to start ticking off my points. Another finger goes up. “We’re very attuned to details …” More join in. “We’re empathetic, nurturing, and are able to see more than what is required of us.” If I don’t stop talking now, I may truly be out of a job.

“And you’re saying these qualities are inherent to your sex? That men do not possess them?” If he walks any closer to me, he’ll be standing behind me.

I force my gaze up to meet his. “That’s what I’m saying.”

“Prove it.”

I reach up and pick an invisible piece of fluff from his collar. “Your shirt is starting to fray.” I turn my gaze back to his in a challenging manner. “Your valet is a man, is he not?”

“You know he is.”

“If your valet were a woman, you would be wearing an impeccable shirt with no sign of wear.” That may or may not be an accurate statement as I’ve made up the sorry condition of his apparel. It appears that women can also be liars when it suits them.

“Are you now applying for the job of my valet?” I know he’s being facetious, but I can’t help the stirring I feel at the thought of what that job would entail. Assisting Andrew in the bath or shower if needed, helping him to go from a naked state to a clothed one, undressing him for bed at night … Its getting hot in here.

“I don’t want Finnley’s job. I’m merely saying that women are more detail oriented. That’s all.”

“I leave my bedchamber at eight o’clock every morning.”

“How lovely for you.” I mean, seriously, what else am I going to say?

“You will now meet me there at seven forty-five and inspect my clothing for any imperfections before I start my day.”

“But I don’t come to work until nine.” Surely, he doesn’t expect me to get here early to make sure another member of his staff is doing his job.

“You now arrive at seven thirty so that you can get to my rooms by seven forty-five.” He leans down so menacingly, if he were a tiger, I’d be afraid for my life. “That is, if you want to keep your position. If you’re unable to do so, I’ll gladly hire a man to replace you.”

So that’s his game. He’s actively looking for a way to get rid of me. If the success of my future agency wasn’t on the line, I’d turn around and walk out of his office without a backward glance. Unfortunately, that action will not aid my plans. “Would you like me to bring your coffee up with me?” I mean, hell, if I’m moonlighting as his valet’s helper, maybe he wants me to take on some kitchen duties.

“I think I can trust the kitchen to deliver my coffee.” He cocks his head to the side, before adding, “Unless you care to complain about them, as well.”

I shake my head vigorously, hoping to activate some good sense. I really don’t need to get into any more trouble. I look at my watch and see that it’s nearing five. “If I’m expected back here so early, I’ll head out now.”

“I’m afraid I’ll still need you here until six o’clock every day.”

Being that I’ve never seen him past our four o’clock meeting since the day I started working for him, I’m certain this is a lie. Which of course can only mean one thing.

Prince Andrew has just declared war on me.

Author Whitney Dineen:

Whitney loves to laugh, play with her kids, bake, and eat french fries — not always in that order.

Whitney is a multi-award-winning author of romcoms, non-fiction humor, and middle reader fiction. Basically, she writes whatever the voices in her head tell her to.

She lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her husband, Jimmy, where they raise children, chickens, and organic vegetables.

Gold Medal winner at the International Readers’ Favorite Awards, 2017.

Silver medal winner at the International Readers’ Favorite Awards, 2015, 2016.

Finalist RONE Awards, 2016.

Finalist at the IRFA 2016, 2017.

Finalist at the Book Excellence Awards, 2017

Finalist Top Shelf Indie Book Awards, 2017

Website / Goodreads / Facebook / Twitter / Instagram

 

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Hosted by:
XBTBanner1

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For a list of my reviews go HERE.

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I am so excited that BAR TALES- A BARTENDER’S STORY VOL1 by A.J. Anthony is available now and that I get to share the news! 

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If you haven’t yet heard about this wonderful book, be sure to check out all the details below.

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This blitz also includes a giveaway  for a Kindle Paperwhite, a $25 Amazon GC, or more amazing prizes courtesy of A.J. Anthony! So if you’d like a chance to win, check out the giveaway info below.
Hosted by Rockstar Book Tours.

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About The Book:

BAR TALES- A BARTENDER’SSTORY VOL1

by Author: A.J. Anthony

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Pub. Date: October 3, 2022

Publisher: Fab Media

Formats:  Hardcover, Paperback, eBook, Audiobook

Pages: 312

Find it: GoodreadsAmazon, Kindle, Audible, Spanish Edition (Relatos de un Bar – La Historia de un Cantinero Vol. 1)

 

Read for
FREE with a Kindle Unlimited Membership!

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24 years ago, Beau Garrett brawled
with and then abandoned his best friend to die a needless death. A deceitful
coverup that still haunts him to this day. Unbeknownst to the unscrupulous nightclub
owner, the dead man’s son, Sean Collins, is his cabaret’s best bartender,
hellbent on revenge. Can Sean uncover the truth and bring down Beau before his
own demise? Strap in for a fun and wild ride.

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Dark…Humorous…Captivating. Magic Mike meets Breaking Bad.

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Bar Tales, A Bartender’s Story Vol.1, is a fast-paced, erotic dramedy featuring Sean Collins, accountant turned bartender. Experience the decadence through the eyes of a former
industry insider, without the guilt, hangovers, and peril. Reader indiscretion is advised.

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Get the FREE Cocktail Recipe & Companion Book at: https://BookHip.com/SQSSCSG
Join to get updates, chances to win merch and other great prizes.

 

 

Excerpt from Chapter 11:

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Sean felt numbness in his arms and an intense chill
throughout his body. Looking up, he saw that his hands were bound together and
that he was dangling from a hook like a beef carcass. He turned his head to the
right which caused him to rotate slightly. Out of the corner of his eye, he
could see another figure hanging next to him. He contorted his body to get a
better look. It was Crystal. She was severely beaten and drenched in blood. Her
face was almost unrecognizable. He examined her further and saw flaps of flesh hanging
down her chest. The massive implants had apparently been cut out. Above that
carnage, NO MAS was crudely carved into her chest arching over
the gruesome handiwork. Sean’s stomach churned. Oh shit time to pay for
fucking the bosses wife.

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Coky entered the walk-in freezer wearing a butcher’s apron, carrying a chainsaw. 

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“Bueno, you’re awake. I want you to see this.” 

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Coky pulled on the starter cord once, twice, three times, and
it fired up. The familiar, now horrifying buzz of the saw filled Sean’s ears. Gas
exhaust clouded the room. The roar alerts Crystal. Her head bobs up and her
eyes open wide. She wiggled but is dangling helplessly. Coky stepped up to her
and revved up the saw.

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“I’m sorry hermosa, bosses orders. I will make it quick for you.” 

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“No Coky, this is all on me!” Sean pleaded…

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About A J Anthony:

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A J Anthony
is a San Francisco Bay Area native, where he bartended for over 15 years in a
variety of pubs, restaurants and night clubs. In Bar Tales – A Bartender’s
Story Vol. 1, he integrates and weaves his years of “interesting”,
real-world experiences into this work.

In addition
to this genre, he also has sci-fi and flash-fiction projects in the works. A J
is also a graphic designer and audio book narrator. In addition to writing, he
enjoys art, tennis and auto-crossing car racing.

He currently lives in Phoenix, Arizona with his wife and three cats.

“I hope you will listen to and/or read my novel entitled Bar Tales – A Bartender’s
Story Vol. 1. I filled it with many of my actual experiences I’ve accumulated
over the years in the trenches, woven into a compelling story with rich
characters. I call it my auto-barography. I’ve also created a companion book
loaded with lots of fun and interesting extras.”

– AJ Anthony

Subscribe to AJ’s Newsletter!

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | TikTok | Pinterest | Goodreads | Amazon

 

Giveaway contest ribbon promo label prize. Vector giveaway banner badge design template

Giveaway hosted by A.J. Anthony

Prizes:

(1) Kindle Paperwhite – Waterproof (ARV $110)

(2) $25 Amazon Gift Card (2 Winners, ARV 2x$25)

(1) Bar Tales NHBC T-shirt from Fab Media (https://fabmedia.myspreadshop.com/) (ARV
$27.95)

(1) Bar Tales Autographed Hardcover Book (ARV $24.95)

(1) Bar Tales Audiobook (ARV $19.95)

Ends January 2, 2023, midnight EST. 

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Thanks so much for visiting fuonlyknew and Good Luck!

For a list of my reviews go HERE.

For a list of free eBooks updated daily go HERE

To see all of my giveaways go HERE.

 

Pride and Piña Coladas

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by Melanie Summers

 

(Paradise Bay, #5)
Publication date: September 22nd 2022
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary, Romance

From best-selling author Melanie Summers comes a enemies-to-lovers tale that’ll have you laughing, swooning, and blending up a pitcher of fruity girl drinks…

I’m Nora Cooper—single woman about to turn thirty, wildly unsuccessful plant fanatic, and event planner at Paradise Bay Resort. My shot at ‘the big time’ has finally arrived—the resort is hosting the World Bartender Championships and I’ve been asked to head up the hospitality team.

There’s only one big problem. And his name is Theo Rojas. You’ve heard of his family—they own Rojas Rum (and about 200 other premium liquors, some of which may be on your shelf right now). As the major sponsor of the event, Theo has decided to be onsite, micromanaging every second of the competition.

He’s stuck up, rude, and arrogant (and a bunch of other adjectives I had better not use). He also seems to have added ‘make Nora’s life absolute hell’ to the top of his to-do list.

Too bad for Mr. Grumpy Chinos because he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with. I’ve taken on far worse foes than him. And if he thinks he’s going to get the best of me, he’s in for a wake-up call.

So when we find ourselves stranded on a private island overnight, I’m determined to put him in his place once and for all.

Only somehow, instead of continuing our constant sparring, we wind up kissing. And I did NOT expect him to kiss like that.

And now I have totally forgotten all the nasty things I was planning to say to him. Something about him being arrogant, right?

Gah! Someone please send help because I absolutely CANNOT fall for this guy…

Goodreads / Amazon

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Enjoy this peek inside:

She’s completely flustered, and I have to say I’m enjoying this more than I should. But hey, she’s accused me of some pretty rotten things, so I’d say it’s only fair.

“Nothing… I don’t know. But now that we’re stranded here, I’m off the clock, so for the next however many hours we’re stuck here together, I’m not an events coordinator, and you’re not a guest who…needs things. We’re just two people who happen to be stranded in the same villa. So, don’t think you can tell me to get out of my wet clothes, because I’ll decide if and when I’m going to take my clothes off!”

“Someone clearly thinks highly of herself if she’s suggesting I want to get her naked,” I say before pursing my lips.

Nora gasps. “She does not!”

I shrug. “If you say so, but it really did seem like it when you said that whole thing about not ‘giving it to me,’ when the only reason I suggested getting out of our wet clothes is because you’re shivering and I came across a couple of plush bathrobes in the closet when I went to find the towels.”

“Oh,” she says, dropping her shoulders a little.

“There’s also a washing machine and a dryer, so I’m planning to launder my things, but if you want to stay—” I point to her—“as you are, suit yourself. I am going to have a hot shower.”

Her teeth start to chatter, but she still has that stubborn look on her face. “I can see how that would be a reasonable idea.”

“Is that your way of apologizing?”

“I don’t owe you an apology,” she snaps.

“Don’t you? Where I come from, when we make false accusations, we apologize and then commit to not doing it again,” I tell her. And before I can stop myself, I add, “But perhaps that’s only common courtesy among the top one percent of the world.”

Her cheeks turn bright red and she sputters, “You know what? I am going to have a shower. A nice, long one, but not because you told me to. Because I want to.”

“Have fun, Captain Justice,” I murmur when she turns to leave the room.

That did it. She does a U-turn. “Captain Justice?” she hisses.

“I’d say that suits someone who thinks she’s the paragon of all things just in this world, listening to only one side of a story and casting judgment on who’s right and who’s the devil.” Okay, so now I’m just being a jerk, but at this point, I don’t care. “Or should I call you Captain Jumps to Conclusions, based on you accusing me of trying to get you into bed just now?”

“Captain Jumps to Conclusions? Do you even hear yourself? That’s quite possibly the most ridiculous thing anyone has ever said in the history of speaking!”

“Captain Accusations, then?” I ask calmly.

“You are the most rude, most arrogant, entitled man I’ve ever met!” she shouts, moving towards me until she’s so close she has to tilt her head back to look up at me. “You should be called Captain Thinks His Shit Doesn’t Stink!”

I scoff, leaning closer to her. “It’s not so easy, is it? Coming up with sarcastic super-hero names when you’re angry.”

“No, it’s not!” she yells.

“Exactly! So don’t make fun of my attempt,” I yell back, too angry to laugh at the level of insanity we’ve reached.

I stare down at her face, only inches from mine. She’s still shivering, and even though I’m furious, I want to wrap my arms around her and warm her up. Or kiss her hard on the mouth. Or both.

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Author Melanie Summers:

Melanie Summers also writes steamy romance as MJ Summers.

Melanie made a name for herself with her debut novel, Break in Two, a contemporary romance that cracked the Top 10 Paid on Amazon in both the UK and Canada, and the top 50 Paid in the USA. Her highly acclaimed Full Hearts Series was picked up by both Piatkus Entice (a division of Hachette UK) and HarperCollins Canada. Her first three books have been translated into Czech and Slovak by EuroMedia. Since 2013, she has written and published three novellas, and eight novels (of which seven have been published). She has sold over a quarter of a million books around the globe.

In her previous life (i.e. before having children), Melanie got her Bachelor of Science from the University of Alberta, then went on to work in the soul-sucking customer service industry for a large cellular network provider that shall remain nameless (unless you write her personally – then she’ll dish). On her days off, she took courses and studied to become a Chartered Mediator. That designation landed her a job at the R.C.M.P. as the Alternative Dispute Resolution Coordinator for ‘K’ Division. Having had enough of mediating arguments between gun-toting police officers, she decided it was much safer to have children so she could continue her study of conflict in a weapon-free environment (and one which doesn’t require makeup and/or nylons).

Melanie resides in Edmonton with her husband, three young children, and their adorable but neurotic one-eyed dog. When she’s not writing novels, Melanie loves reading (obviously), snuggling up on the couch with her family for movie night (which would not be complete without lots of popcorn and milkshakes), and long walks in the woods near her house. She also spends a lot more time thinking about doing yoga than actually doing yoga, which is why most of her photos are taken ‘from above’. She also loves shutting down restaurants with her girlfriends. Well, not literally shutting them down, like calling the health inspector or something–more like just staying until they turn the lights off.

She is represented by Suzanne Brandreth of The Cooke Agency International.

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The Proposal Laughbox

by Julia Kent

 

(Laughbox Boxed Sets, #2)
Publication date: September 13th 2022
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary, Romance

The Proposal Laughbox contains THREE full-length novels and TWO novellas – ONE ALL NEW! – from New York Times bestselling romantic comedy author Julia Kent’s series.

Who doesn’t love a funny, heartwarming proposal? Diamond engagement rings, flowers, candy, romantic dinners — it’s all in here in rom com style.

Julia Kent’s madcap style, that is.

Future brides swallow engagement rings, paparazzi crash tender moments when billionaires pop the question, mistaken identity causes mayhem, small-town lumberjacks ask their girfriends for their hands in marriage, and rock stars make grand gestures on New Year’s Eve.

Laugh, swoon, blush and let your imagination heat up as you read across varying series, different heat levels, but all connected by love.

This boxed set includes:

Shopping for a Billionaire’s Fiancee
Random Acts of New Year
Shopping for a CEO’s Fiancee (A USA Today bestseller)
Random Acts of Yes

and an ALL NEW novella, Love You Fiancee, featuring Kell and Rachel from Love You Right, as Kell pops the question during the I Will Always Love You festival in his hometown of “Love You,” Maine – where every day is Valentine’s Day.

Sink into five fun books that leave you with all the feels, loads of laughs, and strange looks from people around you as you read, giggle, and fall in love.

Note: each of these books can be read as a standalone, but they are part of larger series. All of my Laughbox boxed sets are designed to give readers a taste of my books, centered on a specific concept (in this case, proposals and engagements). Full disclosure for readers.

Goodreads / Amazon / Barnes & Noble / iBooks / Kobo

~~~~~

Enjoy this peek inside:

From Love You Fiancee

His lemur was limp.

And it was all his fault.

His and his alone.

That’s what Kell got for ordering a lemur costume online instead of finding a store and trying one on, or having one made to order. Two-day shipping was the biggest selling point, and though he’d bought the most expensive option, there hadn’t exactly been a plethora of choices.

Of all the bungles: He’d planned his marriage proposal down to the last detail, but forgot about the lemur costume until it was almost too late.

Leo the Limp Lemur would have to do.

 

Author Julia Kent:

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Julia Kent writes romantic comedy with an edge. Since 2013, she has sold more than 2 million books, with 4 New York Times bestsellers and more than 21 appearances on the USA Today bestseller list. Her books have been translated into French, German, and Italian, with more titles releasing in the future.
From billionaires to BBWs to new adult rock stars, Julia finds a sensual, goofy joy in every contemporary romance she writes. Unlike Shannon from Shopping for a Billionaire, she did not meet her husband after dropping her phone in a men’s room toilet (and he isn’t a billionaire she met in a romantic comedy).

She lives in New England with her husband and three children where she is the only person in the household with the gene required to change empty toilet paper rolls.

She loves to hear from her readers by email at julia@jkentauthor.com, on Twitter @jkentauthor, on Facebook at @jkentauthor, and on Instagram @jkentauthor. Visit her at http://jkentauthor.com

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The Last One
by A.S. Kelly

 

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Publication date: July 25th 2022
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary, Romance

Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Anya O’Donnell, and I’d like to declare myself guilty beyond all reasonable doubt.
Guilty of what, you ask?
Well, for starters, I’m guilty of lying to everyone for years; of pretending when I should have been showing them all who I really was, what I really wanted. I’m guilty of pushing away the only person who wanted to stay, convinced that, one day, he’d have left, anyway.
I told him we were a mistake.
I told him I was better off without him.
I told him that I didn’t love him.
And now I miss him. I miss his cups of tea and his stupid cheese crackers. I miss his clothes, strewn about the house. I miss the way he would watch me sleep. I miss his arms, holding me tightly each night, making me feel at home.
But now we’re both alone. And I’m scared.
I’m scared that he believed everything I told him; that he has no intention of coming back.

Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Owen McKenna, and I’m furious.
Why, you ask?
Well, because I decided to follow my heart and not my head. Because I didn’t listen to my friends or to their far-fetched theories. Because I left anyway – even when everyone was telling me to stay.
And now she doesn’t want me back. But I want her, desperately.
She’s the woman I’ve been waiting for. She’s incredibly sexy, and can make you laugh, even when you least want to. She’s never let anyone in, apart from me; and when she crumbles into my arms, it makes me feel like the only guy in the world.
But I ruined everything.
I let the L-word slip, and she panicked.
She told me things she didn’t even think – I know that. I know her.
I know that she’s scared, that she doesn’t want to take this risk. But I do. I’m ready.
I’m her exception.
I just need to make her see that, too.

Goodreads / Amazon

~~~~~

Enjoy this peek inside:

“Ms. O’Donnell.”
“What?”
“My surname. O’Donnell.”
“Mine is…”
“I didn’t ask. I’m telling you mine. You can call me Ms. O’Donnell.”
“Are you serious?”
“Good morning, Ms. O’Donnell. Or good evening, depending on the circumstance.”
“Can I wish you goodnight, too?”
“You’re not helping yourself.”
I laugh. I like winding her up – mainly because she doesn’t flinch.
“Are you telling me I can’t even say your name?”
“Only friends use my name.”
“And I’m not a friend?”
“No.”
“And I’ll never become a friend?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’ve seen me naked. And usually, friends don’t see each other naked.”
“Is that one of your rules?”
“It’s just become one.”
“A special rule for me?”
“Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not even my type.”
“What is your type?”
“That’s something I don’t share with strangers or acquaintances. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work waiting for me.”
She slowly walks to the entrance, under my watchful gaze. I can’t help but fixate on the slinky, sensual movement of her hips.
“Ms. O’Donnell?” I call. She stops and looks around at me again.
“I hope you have a great day.”
“I thought it would be. Now I’m not so sure.”

Author A.S. Kelly

A. S. Kelly writes Rom-Com, Romantic Fiction and Family Saga.
Avid reader, hopeless romantic, lover of yoga, knitting and home baking.
She was born in Italy but lives in Ireland with her husband, two children and a cat named Oscar.

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Love You Again
by Julia Kent

 

(Love You, Maine, #2)
Publication date: July 19th 2022
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary, Romance

Set in the woodsy small town of Luview, “Love You,” Maine – a tourist favorite where every day is Valentine’s Day – local police officer and single dad Luke Luview has spent the last two years making his young daughter his priority after his wife’s death. When first-love Kylie Hood comes back into town under bizarre circumstances, he learns that nothing’s a coincidence – and maybe second chances are possible after all.

If you’re looking for a fun read about first kisses, second chances, featuring a hot single dad small town police officer and his accidental nanny, set in a small town in New England, with a golden retriever named Jester, a heroine whose dream in life is to run a fairy camp, and a hero who wants to build a place where everyone belongs – then this is your book.

Grab a cup of coffee, tea, and maybe some edible glitter, and get your happy meter ready as you read the second book in the Love You, Maine series – where love isn’t just a feeling – it’s a way of life.

✓Single Dad
✓Second chance
✓Small town romance
✓Local police officer and his last-minute nanny
…and a Golden Retriever named Jester

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~~~~~

Enjoy this peek inside:

A white puff of air filled the space between him and the steering wheel, and he realized he’d sighed. How long had he been sitting here, mind and memory in the past? Shoving his hands into gloves, he opened the rear door, grabbed the white plastic bag, and made his way to the front of the bin.

Determined, focused, and grim: That was Luke Luview these days. A bad match for a town that existed to make people feel good about love.

Living in Love You, Maine–heck, being a Luview–was never harder than when you had a broken heart.

Time to let go of some of the pain.

“AAAAAAooooooooo,” called out a band of coyotes in the distance, making Luke jolt. His personal weapon was at home. He didn’t carry it in the glove compartment or on his body when he was off duty, but as the coyote population grew in the area, maybe he should.

A few feet from the donation bin’s front, he looked at the lever to pull down, squeezing the bag slightly. A whiff of Amber’s perfume caught his nose, so faint he almost imagined it.

Colleen had washed all the clothes a few weeks ago, so he knew he imagined Amber’s scent. Didn’t matter. He’d take the illusion. That was how much he hurt.

A skitter inside the box made him frown.

Damn animals. They got in those bins all the time. He felt sorry for the poor sap who emptied these metal boxes, carting all the goods to the warehouse in Manchester where they cleaned and sorted, getting it all ready for the second-hand retail stores.

Just do this, he thought, swallowing hard as the coyotes mated in the distance. The sound was violent and creepy, but for whatever reason, it felt fitting.

Throwing the tangible reminders of that terrible day into the donation box felt dangerous, too.

“I love you, Amber,” he murmured. “But I have to let you go. Have to let that day go. Harriet needs a daddy who isn’t tied down by grief. Just because I’m doing this doesn’t mean I love you any less, though.”

Tears pricked his eyes. “Why is this so hard? Because it’s hard,” he said with a huff. “That’s what you would say if you were here. You’d hug me and comfort me and tell me feelings are meant to be felt or they’d be called something else. You’d have all the right words. I don’t have any. I just have a big hole in my life, Amber. And you’re never going to fill it. Colleen says I can’t feel guilty for moving on. I don’t. But I sure do feel weird.”

And then he reached for the handle, pulled it down, and threw the bag in while calling out loudly, “I love you.”

To his utter shock, she replied from the darkness of the box, “I’m in here!”

 

Author Julia Kent:

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Julia Kent writes romantic comedy with an edge. Since 2013, she has sold more than 2 million books, with 4 New York Times bestsellers and more than 21 appearances on the USA Today bestseller list. Her books have been translated into French, German, and Italian, with more titles releasing in the future.

From billionaires to BBWs to new adult rock stars, Julia finds a sensual, goofy joy in every contemporary romance she writes. Unlike Shannon from Shopping for a Billionaire, she did not meet her husband after dropping her phone in a men’s room toilet (and he isn’t a billionaire she met in a romantic comedy).

She lives in New England with her husband and three children where she is the only person in the household with the gene required to change empty toilet paper rolls.

She loves to hear from her readers by email at julia@jkentauthor.com, on Twitter @jkentauthor, on Facebook at @jkentauthor, and on Instagram @jkentauthor. Visit her at http://jkentauthor.com

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Buck Up, Buttercup
by Anna Alkire

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Publication date: June 30th 2022
Genres: Comedy, Contemporary, New Adult, Romance

All’s fair in love and war.
With Randi and Buck, it’s hard to tell the two apart…

An uptight, self-contained college girl, Randi Becker just needed one thing: a room. Somewhere she could study, and keep away from the things that most confuse and frighten her: people.

Unfortunately, the “nice quiet place” she reserved turns out to be a room in the campus’ most raucous house. A place seemingly designed to make studying impossible, made even worse by the other girls’ non-stop drama.

But then Buck, a fun-loving cowboy whom all the ladies love, shows up…and everything gets much worse.

Buck seems to have it all: friends, fun, and a never-ending line of admirers. But what he most desires is a break. So when Buck spots Randi, he figures she’s a perfect decoy: he can play up a “crush” on her that will take him off the market; buy him some breathing room. And if he can tease her a bit, and get under the skin of the uptight busybody? Well, that’s just gravy.

But Buck is about to find more than he bargained for. Randi’s strong-willed, opinionated, difficult—and maybe just what he needs. And Buck isn’t alone. Soon Randi wonders as well…if the world she wanted is really the world she needs. If her future is nothing more than a diploma on the wall. And if the most important thing in her world isn’t a grade, but the cowboy who’s planted his boots firmly in her heart.

Fans of Beth O’Leary’s The Flatshare and Sally Thorne’s The Hating Game will delight at this mix of romantic comedy, contemporary romance, and cultures colliding in a campus town with a western flair. Grab your copy today, and fall in love with Buck Up, Buttercup!

Goodreads / Amazon

~~~~~

Enjoy this peek inside:

An old pickup, with new shiny green paint, slowed down beside her until it crawled along at her pace. A quick glance sideways revealed black-hat-cowboy-guy grinning down at her.

A jolt of awareness cleared some of the fog from her head. He was more good-looking than she’d remembered, and also incredibly large above her in the truck.

“Good morning, darlin’,” he called down.

“Drive on,” she called out.

“Headed into town? We’ve got room.”

“I’m going to walk.” She wouldn’t get into a car with a single person from that party. She walked forward, not looking at him.

“Hold up, you dropped something,” he said, stopping the truck.

Randi whirled around, scanning the empty ground behind her. Her fingers lost their grip and her bags crashed down, things spilling out onto the gravel road. Her eyes burned.

Buck turned off the truck engine and leaned out the window.

“That’s a lot of gear to haul all the way into town,” he said, cheerfully.

“That was a dirty trick.”

“I just want to talk to you for a minute.”

“Leave me alone please!”

“Listen. Hugh, in the passenger seat, and I are headed in for some breakfast. If you ride with me, this gas guzzler will have a full cab. Darlin’, that’s a load off my conscience.”

Randi’s belly shuddered and her lips quivered. The dam burst. Her hands flew up to cover her eyes and a hiccupped sob exploded out.

“I can’t jump in some stranger’s pickup,” she mumbled through her fingers.

“Hey now,” he said, the amused condescension in his voice aking her glare up at him. “You hold on to that pepper spray if it makes you feel better. Land’s sake, girl, we hauled around passed-out-Sarah last night. You’re practically part of the family. And Hugh here has about twenty sisters, so he’s well-trained.”

The door of the truck opened. She took a step back, pulling up the inside collar of her dress to dab at her face.

Buck’s eyes crinkled at her, a lopsided half-grin on his face. It was probably the way he looked at cows right before he lassoed a rope around their necks, or whatever. But he had helped Sarah. And her.

Her shoulders slumped. Defeated, she was beyond resistance. If they murdered her, at least she might be sitting down.

“All right?” he asked.

She exhaled. “All right, I’ll take a ride to the closest bus stop. Thanks.”

Buck picked up her bags and put them in the back of the truck. She hauled her heavy backpack off her aching shoulders and turned to sling it up, but Buck was already gripping the top and lifting it out of her hands.

“Hi,” said a burly man sitting on the passenger side of the bench seat, a gentle smile on his face. Like she was a crazy person. Which she was. With a deep breath, she hoisted herself up into the cab next to him.

“Sorry about Buck,” the big guy said, glaring at the culprit with one eye squinted. “He’s devious about getting what he wants.”

Buck landed on the seat beside her. “Hugh keeps the standards up. Probably why he’s so grumpy all the time.”

Hugh crossed his arms, leaning into the passenger door. His buzzed blond head and muscular frame brought to mind a late-twenties version of Mr. Clean, minus the jewelry.

“I ain’t grumpy. Just tired of your ugly face.”

Buck chuckled. Randi caught herself staring at him. She wouldn’t call his face ugly, not even anything related to unattractive. More like relentlessly cheerful. And way too confident that he could boss everyone around. She sniffed, annoyed with him enough to stop crying.

The truck rolled forward, bumping on the gravel road. They sat on an old-fashioned bucket-style bench, comfortable for two people, and a squeeze for three. The middle seat offered no belt. A death trap. Because that was the logical conclusion to her week from hell. She braced a hand on the dash to keep from bouncing into the bodies next to her.

Not touching either man, holding her body tense and straight, made her neck ache. And still she knocked knees with Hugh and almost leaned on Buck’s shoulder. Buck’s hand on the manual gear shifter was an inch from her thigh, his fingers brushing the edge of her skirt when he shifted. Short of sitting on Hugh’s lap, there was nowhere for her to go to keep from touching him.

She felt shaky, barely keeping herself together. Every time Buck changed position she noticed it, his muscular arms flexing as he drove. It was like sitting next to a tiger: electrifying, an experience you never forgot, and total madness.

“So,” said Buck, flashing a grin at her. “What’s your rush this morning? You just moved in last night.”

Randi dug a tissue out of her bag. “I can’t live in a party house,” she said, dabbing at her running nose.

“A Waffle House?” said Hugh.

“She said party house, Einstein.” Buck glanced at her. “How’d you end up with a room out there?”

“I was teaching in Argentina and found it online. Paid everything…” She paused, choking up, not sure why she was telling them. “They lied to me.” And she dissolved again, covering her face with the tissue.

What was wrong with her? It was beyond humiliating to be crying like a child in front of these strangers. At least she’d never have to see them again.

“Huh,” said Buck, tapping the steering wheel. “Well, I know Trish isn’t happy about the parties.”

“They got an ugly ticket last June,” said Hugh. “She’s on probation.”

Randi sat up straighter, taking in this information. She managed to stop crying, and dabbed her cheeks clean with the tissue.

Buck rubbed the side of his face. “Is that right?”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know that, Buck. Jesus.”

“I just look like I know everything.”

“Yeah, well, one more ticket and they’re facing jail time. And, of course, there were minors everywhere last night. I turned my back and they slurped down my keg.”

Randi pushed up her glasses. No wonder Trish hadn’t been there during the party. It revealed, even more, how shamelessly Trish had lied to her in the emails they’d exchanged about the house.

The farmland was transforming into residential housing when Buck turned onto a major road.

“That bus stop coming up will be fine,” said Randi, her voice annoyingly shaky.

“No way, darlin’,” said Buck. “You cry in my truck, and I buy you a coffee. Then, I drop you off wherever you want.”

“No, really—”

“Hey,” he said, “I put up with all the tears. So now we’re going to go to this coffee drive-through and get sugary drinks to make ourselves feel better. Otherwise, Hugh over there might start his period.”

“You’re such a jackass,” Hugh said, shaking his head.

 

Author Anna Alkire

Anna Alkire has been a long-term college student, a business owner, and a world traveler. Now “settled”—with a sigh and a cup of decaf—Anna lives in Washington state, where she splits her time between a husband who thinks the North Pole would be a great place to live, chasing her hurricane of a son, learning new handicrafts, and creating worlds full of the kind of romance and fun she most wants to read. Find more about her (and grab a freebie or two) at her website, annaalkire.com.

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Goldhammer by Haris Orkin Banner

Goldhammer

by Haris Orkin

June 6 – July 1, 2022 Virtual Book Tour

Synopsis:
A James Flynn Escapade

A young actress, involuntarily committed to City of Roses Psychiatric Hospital, plunges James Flynn into a dangerous new adventure when she claims one of the most powerful producers in Hollywood is trying to kill her.

Still convinced he’s a secret agent for Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Flynn springs into action, helps her escape and finds himself embroiled in a battle with a dangerous sociopath worth billions. In the process, he uncovers a high-tech conspiracy to control the mind of every human being on Earth.

With the help of his reluctant sidekick, Sancho, and a forgotten Hollywood sex symbol from the 1960s, Flynn faces off with Goldhammer and his private army in a desperate attempt to save the young actress…and save the world…once again.

Praise for Goldhammer:

“One of those books that has you laughing and turning pages well into the night.” —Len Boswell, Bestselling author of The Simon Grave Mysteries

“A riotous comic novel that’s also a legit page turner. A deftly plotted, swiftly paced thriller.” —R. Lee Procter, Author of The Million Dollar Sticky Note and Sugarball

“A fast-paced quixotic thriller that would make Miguel de Cervantes and Ian Fleming proud. The third James Flynn novel is a powerful cocktail of suspense, adrenaline and a whole lot of laughs. Orkin has the remarkable ability to keep the reader straddled between a genuine spy thriller and an off-the-wall comedy” —Joe Barret, Award-winning author of Managed Care

Book Details:

Genre: Comedy Thriller

Published by: Black Rose Writing Publication Date: June 23rd 2022 Number of Pages: 240 ISBN: 1684339677 (ISBN-13: 978-1684339679) Series: The James Flynn Escapades, Book 3 | Each is a stand-alone thriller

Book Links: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Goodreads

Read an excerpt:

Chapter ONE

The Corsican wanted him dead. Of that James Flynn was certain. Somehow, the assassin had infiltrated Her Majesty’s Secret Service as a security officer. Flynn didn’t recognize him at first. The killer had put on a few pounds and likely had plastic surgery, but what he couldn’t disguise were his eyes. His cold, dark, pitiless eyes. The eyes of a sociopath. The eyes of an executioner. The only question was when. When would the Corsican come for him? He told his colleagues what he suspected, but they refused to believe him. They claimed his name was Thomas Hernandez and that someone else on the security team had recommended him. They also said they fully vetted him. But Flynn wasn’t fooled. He tangled with the Corsican before. The man was relentless. A cold-blooded enforcer who started with the Corsican mafia but went on to do contract hits for the Sicilians, the Albanians, the Serbians, and the Russians. Instead of waiting for the Corsican to come to him, Flynn decided to flush him out. Force his hand. Expose him for who he was and why he was there. Flynn dressed in black denim and a black turtleneck and waited until 2 a.m. to make his move. He kept to the shadows as he trod the deserted corridors. He had no weapon since lethal weapons of any kind were now forbidden at headquarters. A foolish rule put in place by sheltered bureaucrats who had no clue. Luckily, not even security could carry a firearm at headquarters. All the Corsican had was an expandable baton and a Taser. Even so, the man was lethal enough with just his hands and feet. But then, so was Flynn. Flynn heard footsteps ahead and ducked into a conference room. He waited and listened as the footsteps drew closer. As they passed the doorway, Flynn peered into the corridor to see the Corsican lumbering forward, quietly peering in room after room. Suddenly, he stopped. Flynn felt a jolt of adrenaline. The air was electric. The silence palpable. Could the Corsican feel Flynn’s eyes on him? Flynn knew that scientists have identified a specialized group of neurons in the primate brain that fire specifically when a monkey is under the direct gaze of another. Humans also appear to be wired for that kind of gaze perception. Predators like Flynn and the Corsican can also be prey and have developed a sixth sense to alert them to danger. The Corsican turned and he and Flynn locked eyes for a moment. Before the hit man could take a step, Flynn took off down the hall in the opposite direction. He heard the footfalls of the Corsican as he chased after him. Flynn had his route all mapped out. Darting down one corridor. Then another. Running until he arrived at a door that led down to the basement and the guts of the building. Flynn had picked the lock after dinner, knowing that this was the night he would lure the Corsican to his end. He had a license to kill and could have used it anytime, but Flynn didn’t exercise that power willy-nilly. Only as a last resort. He didn’t want the Corsican dead. He needed to know who put the price on his head. Otherwise who ever hired the killer would continue to send hitters until finally one succeeded. The building that housed HMSS was huge and had a substantial infrastructure. The basement utility plant had mechanical, electrical, HVAC, and plumbing systems that fed water, air, and electricity all through the facility. Flynn moved from massive room to massive room, staying just ahead of the Corsican. He needed to lose him and lay in wait. Flynn was confident in his abilities, but to come at a killer like that head-on didn’t make much sense. Why give your opponents any edge at all? Flynn ducked into a room that housed all the electrical panels, distribution boards, and circuit breakers. Conduit snaked everywhere and Flynn found a metal door secured with a heavy padlock. Using two straightened paper clips, he quickly picked the lock. The door led to an outside area protected by a chain-link fence topped with razor wire. The security fence surrounded three giant transformers and two massive backup generators the size of semi-trailers. Flynn stood next to the door and strained his ears to hear approaching footsteps over the electrical buzz of the transformers. Faint at first, they moved closer. Careful. Slow. Stealthy. He saw a shoe as someone came through and Flynn took them from behind, using jiu-jitsu to slam them into the ground. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” said the man Flynn had face down in the gravel. “Sancho?” “Get off me, man.” Flynn released his comrade-in-arms and helped him to his feet. Bits of gravel still clung to his face. “I thought you were the Corsican.” Flynn’s British accent had a touch of Scottish burr. “His name is Hernandez,” Sancho said. “That’s not his real name.” “And I’m telling you, he’s not the Corsican.” “Don’t let him fool you, my friend. He’s not who he says he is.” “Then why’d he call me? He knows I know you. He knows we’re friends. He asked me to find you. Talk to you. Calm you down.” “Perhaps he wants to take care of you too.” “Take care of me?” Flynn heard the Corsican call to them, his voice deep and resonant. “You okay in there, brother?” “We’re good,” Sancho said. The Corsican walked in with two other men. All three wore the blue security uniform issued to those who guard HMSS. The Corsican looked at Flynn with his dark, merciless eyes. “You okay, Mr. Flynn?” “Tell them who you are,” Flynn demanded. “Thomas Hernandez.” “Who you really are.” The Corsican rolled his eyes and sighed. “That’s who I really am.” Flynn aimed an accusatory finger. “I know who you are. Born Stefanu Perrina in Porto, Corsica. Contract killer for the Unione Corse, the Cosa Nostra, and the Russian mafia. Wanted by Interpol for fifty-two confirmed kills.” “I was born in Hacienda Heights.” Flynn glanced at Sancho. “The man is a master of deception. It’s kill or be killed with men like him.” The Corsican drew his Taser and the other two guards followed suit. Sancho raised his hands. “Whoa, come on now. Easy.” He stepped in front of Flynn as the Corsican fired. The Taser darts caught Sancho in the shoulder and socked him with fifty thousand volts. He screamed in agony as his whole body seized up and shook. His legs gave out and he fell on his side, helpless and twitching. Flynn dove behind a generator before the other two guards could fire. Each guard stalked him from a different side. Flynn clambered up over the top and launched himself from above, tackling the Corsican. He wrenched away his reloaded Taser and shot one of the guards in the crotch. The man went down with a shriek as the other guard fired on him. Flynn fell to his knees and the darts parted his hair before hitting the Corsican in the chest. The killer crumpled as Flynn sprang to his feet and pulled the Corsican’s expandable baton out of its holster. Flicking his wrist, Flynn fully extended the menacing club and turned to confront the last standing guard. Someone grabbed Flynn by the arm and Flynn elbowed him in the face. Sancho staggered back, holding his bloody nose. “What the hell, man?” “Sorry, mate.” Flynn heard a Taser fire and an instant later, two darts hit him in the side. Fifty thousand volts took him to his knees as another guard fired another Taser. Those two darts hit him in the stomach. Flynn lost control of every muscle in his body. And then he saw the Corsican looming over him with his own weapon. He shot the darts directly into Flynn’s chest. Right over his heart. Now all three lit him up with electricity. One hundred and fifty thousand volts rocked Flynn as they shocked him with charge after charge until the world faded into a tiny aperture that slowly began to close. *** Excerpt from Goldhammer by Haris Orkin. Copyright 2022 by Haris Orkin. Reproduced with permission from Haris Orkin. All rights reserved.

 

 

Author Haris Orkin:

Haris Orkin

Haris Orkin is a novelist, a playwright, a screenwriter, and a game writer. His play, Dada was produced at The American Stage and the La Jolla Playhouse. Sex, Impotence, and International Terrorism was chosen as a critic’s choice by the L.A. Weekly and sold as a film script to MGM/UA. Save the Dog was produced as a Disney Sunday Night movie. His original screenplay, A Saintly Switch, was directed by Peter Bogdanovich and starred David Alan Grier and Vivica A. Fox. He is a WGA Award and BAFTA Award nominated game writer and narrative designer known for Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3, Call of Juarez: Gunslinger, Tom Clancy’s The Division, Mafia 3, and Dying Light. .

Catch Up With Haris Orkin: www.harisorkin.com Goodreads BookBub – @HarisOrkin Instagram – @HarisOrkin Twitter – @HarisOrkin Facebook – @AuthorHarisOrkin

 

 

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