Posts Tagged ‘comedy’



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Romancing The Pen
Kara Winters
Publication date: May 13th 2018
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Romance

A seasoned writer with secrets to protect…

Carson Reid is stuck, and not in a situation he’s unfamiliar with. He’s been writing romance novels for years now, so you would think that by now he’d be used to going through the motions. But once more, he’s stuck at the precipice of writing the big “sex scene”… But one quick encounter with a mystery beauty leads him to realize that she’s his long lost writing muse.

A powerful publisher with an agenda of her own…

Kate has had it with men. After building her entire publishing empire on the bones of those that have tried getting in her way, she’s not about to let some love-challeged writer blind her goals. But even under her toughened exterior there is a longing for something. Or someone.

The meeting seemed causal enough. No “shop talk”, no strings attached, and definitely no talking about one another’s history. So what’s one night of passion? Just pure, sexy fun. Again, and again, and again…

But once the spark returns to Carson’s writing, he’s hooked. And he will do anything to make sure that Kate sticks around to see the end of his story complete. Even if it means destroying every wall they both built to keep their hearts safe from harm.

Goodreads / Amazon

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Check out the racy, fun excerpt. Made me blush. LOL

“I feel that I should at least tell you.” Again, I swept my fingers across her cheek. “That something’s been happening to me, each time we’ve been together. I don’t know what it is, but my writing has gotten back on track.”

Kate’s grin was contagious.

“So, keep that in mind,” I told her, my tone turning a little more serious.

She seemed to catch on that I had meant what I said. Blushing, she ran her hand through her hair, then scooted herself closer to me.

I reached out and pulled her the rest of the way. We lay there facing one another on the bed, staring at one another with our hands laced between us.

“You’re my muse,” I whispered.

Another blush formed on her cheeks and I realized I loved when she did that.

“But I haven’t even done anything,” she said. “And I don’t even know what you write exactly. Don’t you think you should tell me some of it, if I’m supposed to help you through things?”

I shook my head and closed my eyes.

My senses picked up on the warmth of Kate. Lips brushed my cheeks and trailed their way slowly up to my eyelids. The feeling tickled me, but I didn’t laugh. Kate’s lips found my mouth and she kissed me deeply. Though I wasn’t sure if she really was looking for an answer to her question, I didn’t want to answer.

Instead of speaking, I grabbed her hips and pulled her tight against my body to let her feel every inch of me. Kate moaned into my mouth and I took her cry down into my throat.

Not breaking the kiss, I turned us so that she straddled me on top again. Beneath her warm legs I could feel my cock sliding against her entrance. She was warm and wet and, fuck, we needed to be together.

“What were you writing last night?” she asked.

I almost didn’t hear her. I was so distracted with kissing the breath out of her body. Kate’s small hand wrapped itself around me and my eyes flew open. She began to stroke.

“Fuck.” I groaned.

She smiled against my mouth. “I thought you might be writing about that.”

I grinned. “You really want me tell you about what I was writing?”

Kate sat up, giving me one hell of a few. Her nipples were stiff and my mouth was craving to taste them. She lifted her hips and aligned herself with my cock, sliding just the tip of me past her folds.

My eyes threatened to roll back into my head, but I forced them to stay open and watch. I braced my hands on Kate’s hips, trying to ease her farther down, but she resisted.

I gave her a questioning look.

“Tell me what you were writing about,” she said, arching one brow and smiling.

The tease.

I played along. “Are you sure you want to play this game?”

“Oh, yes, I’m sure I do,” Kate replied. She eased herself down a half inch. Her wetness was reason enough for me to speak.

“The second love scene,” I started.

She eased down another half inch, then stopped again.

I shut my eyes and nodded. “Okay, okay. The second love scene–”

“We’ve established that there is another love scene already,” Kate cut in, lifting herself back up that half inch that had made me want to pound into her. I was determined to get that inch back, and more.

My fingers gripped her firmly, eliciting another moan from her.

“It begins with the hero and heroine having been away from each other for a little more than a month. He had to leave the country on business, trying to fix his family problems that have been plaguing him throughout the story.”

Kate began to slide down my cock, fueling me to talk more.

“The hero was wounded by the antagonist during a prior scene, and when he returns back to the heroine, he’s still recovering from the wound. She’s worried about him and tends to him at his bedside for days.”

Kate was halfway down my length by the time I stopped. Our eyes met and she parted her lips, her breath coming quicker. She bit her lower lip, adjusting to my girth. I wanted more than anything to thrust up and claim her, but I was afraid she wouldn’t allow me. After all, I wasn’t in charge of this coupling. Kate was.

“Continue,” she said.

Since she hadn’t said anything about me touching her, I reached up to her breasts, running my palms across her nipples. The only word I could use to describe how they felt was aching. Yes, Kate’s aching nipples were in my hands. I really was a romance writer, on and off paper. I chuckled in my head.

Without another thought, I wrapped one arm around her waist and flipped us over, pinning her under me. I continued massaging her breast tenderly.
“I’d rather show you how my love scene plays out,” I said, my mouth ghosting against hers.

Author Bio:

Kara Winters grew up sneaking in all the romance novels she could reach for on her grandmother’s bookshelves. Her love for a good story inspired her to pursue writing as a career and led to her published debut novel in 2013 entitled ‘Working Out the Kinks’.

Currently she lives in Los Angeles and is a member of the RWA (Romance Writers of America), as well as the Los Angeles branch of the guild.

If she is not at home in front of her laptop, Kara is out shopping for vinyl records, exploring the LACMA, or cruising up the California coastline, looking for inspiration to her next book.

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The Boyfriend Experience
J.A. Huss
(Jordan’s Game, #3)
Publication date: May 30th 2018
Genres: New Adult Romance Comedy

From NYT Bestselling Author, JA Huss, comes a new sexy standalone in the Jordan’s Game series.

I NEED A BOYFRIEND… and I need one now…

WANTED
One bad-ass man with boyfriend experience.
Must be willing to fight dirty and work weekends, nights, and overtime.
Bad attitude a must. Bonus points if you’re hot, athletic, and sporting tattoos.

When I asked Jordan Wells for a Boyfriend Experience game I didn’t expect to get stuck with billionaire real-estate agent, Lawton Ayers. He doesn’t exactly fit the job description.

WANTED
One professional woman with business experience.
Must be willing to build a future together.
Successful entrepreneur a must. Bonus points if you’re a crazy local legend.

When Jordan Wells offered up Oaklee Ryan a last-minute business partner to seal a deal I’ve been working on for years, I didn’t expect beautiful, sexy, and multi-orgasmic to be on her list of qualifications.

But that’s what I got. And she’s perfect just the way she is.

Too bad she doesn’t want me to be HER boyfriend. Because she bought me for someone else…

Goodreads / Amazon / Barnes & Noble / iBooks / Kobo

Enjoy the excerpt:

She’s smiling up at me, her brown eyes turned slightly yellow from the glow of the lights, her cheeks pink. Flushed from the exertion of sex. Her breathing slower now, but not her heart. Because I can feel it underneath me.

Still pounding.

Waiting for more.

Trying to match mine.

So we can keep time together.

I think that’s what hearts do. Keep time. Keep everything together. Keep this crazy thing called life in perspective.

“One more time here,” I say. “Then I’ll take you inside so I can get you naked.”

It’s too cold to make her take her clothes off. Even though I know she’d do that if I asked her to. I can already feel the chill of her beneath me. But my body heat will help. Will protect her from the cold.

The deluxe package includes a boyfriend blanket on a cold night.

She opens her legs, reaches down between them to pull her panties aside, and my hips adjust enough to allow my cock to slide up to her opening. Her fingers are grabbing my shoulder now. And even through the leather I can feel them dig.

I want to take the jacket off so she can leave marks on me. I want there to be nothing between us. But I want her to be on the bottom at least once. So she can look up and see the surreal fantasy version of the underside of her water tower just like I did. So we can share that special feeling of being with someone you adore in a way that can’t be repeated.

No one will ever make love to her like this again. Not even me. Because this is a moment and moments pass into other moments and no two are ever alike.

She thrusts her hips upward, trying to force me to enter her. I just grin, because not gonna happen. Not until I say so, at least.

“Come on,” she whispers, watching me intently. “Let’s go.”

“We’ve got time. There’s no rush.”

She thrusts upward again. “There is a rush. A rush I want to experience again. Don’t make me beg, Lawton Ayers.”

“Begging?” I ask playfully. “Is that something you do?”

She giggles, then gets serious real quick. She frowns. Pouts her lips. Widens her eyes. “Please,” comes out like a whimper. Like she’s been wounded and needs relief. Relief only I can administer.

“Just take a moment, Oaklee. Feel it with me.”

Her eyes narrow slightly. Like she’s trying to figure out what I’m asking.

“The game is over,” I say. “That’s what I want you to feel. We passed it by some time ago. I’m not sure when, exactly. But the game is over.”

“OK,” she says, her face relaxing. The pout is gone. The confusion is gone. And all her expectations seem to melt away. “We’re real,” she whispers.

 

Author JA Huss

JA Huss is the New York Times Bestselling author of 321 and has been on the USA Today Bestseller’s list 21 times in the past four years. She writes characters with heart, plots with twists, and perfect endings.

Her books have sold millions of copies all over the world, the audio version of her semi-autobiographical book, Eighteen, was nominated for a Voice Arts Award and an Audie Award in 2016 and 2017 respectively, her audiobook, Mr. Perfect, was nominated for a Voice Arts Award in 2017, and her audiobook, Taking Turns, was nominated for an Audie Award in 2018.

She lives on a ranch in Central Colorado with her family.

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I’m such a pushover for anything unicorns. And just look at that fun cover.  This sounds like loads of fun!

Check it out.

And don’t forget to enter the giveaway!

 

The Trouble with Unicorns
D.T. Dyllin
(Team Unicorn Talia, #1)
Publication date: April 30th 2018
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Paranormal, Romance

Part-time demon tracker, full-time optimist …

Talia White does what comes naturally to a unicorn: Balances the scales between light and dark with hefty doses of love and joy.

Faced with a string of high profile demon possessions, Talia is determined to do her job, despite the fact that she finds herself strapped with a brooding dragon warrior as her new guardian.

That’s the trouble with unicorns … they’ll accomplish their goal one way or another, even if they have to get a little stabby to do it.

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Author D.T. Dyllon

D.T. Dyllin is a bestselling author who writes paranormal, sci-fi, and contemporary romance. Basically, anything with a love story is her kryptonite. Her obsession with affairs-of-the-heart is what first drove her to begin twisting her own tales of scorching romance.

D.T. was born and raised in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. (Black & Gold for life, baby!) She now lives in Raleigh, North Carolina with her husband, and two spoiled German Shepherds.

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Flipped
Lisa-Marie Cabrelli
Publication date: April 25th 2018
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Romance

Hazel Black is always in control. That is until a slimy new employee steals her work, gets her fired and ruins her chance at a partnership.

Not to worry, her nutty mother, Indigo, comes to the rescue with a nutty plan… move to Italy with her and flip a house she’s just inherited under strange and unexplained circumstances. Hazel knows better than to trust any plans of Indigo’s – but what choice does she have? But Italy has secrets and surprises that rock Hazel’s world.

Dean McLean, rich and famous action hero has developed an embarrassing problem; he faints when anyone points a camera in his direction. Quite an issue for a world famous movie star. When his manager bundles him off to stay with his in-laws in a small Italian mountain village, he can’t get his mind off of his endangered career. But when he meets the beautiful and irresistible Hazel everything he thought he knew turns upside down.

Will Hazel and Dean find their true home and each other? Or will a web of secrets and betrayal keep them apart?

If you like the dolce vita, quirky fun characters, and surprising happily ever afters with a dash of intrigue and suspense that will keep you turning pages, you’ll love this fun, romantic romp through Italy.

Goodreads / Amazon

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Enjoy the excerpt

Dean reached for a plate from the stack Stefano had brought out and cleared his throat loudly.

“I was just asking Hazel to take a break tomorrow after all of this stress today and join me for a picnic. You wouldn’t mind, would you, Indigo?”

Indigo’s head popped up like a meerkat, her gaze sweeping back and forth between them. Hazel shot Dean a dirty look. Getting Indigo involved? That was cheating.

“Mind? Of course I wouldn’t mind! I can’t imagine Hazel on a picnic, though. You should go, Hay. It will chill you out a bit. Get you grounded with Mother Nature. And don’t wear any shoes. Earthing increases the circulation of your neutrophils.”

Dean gave Hazel a confused look, and she shrugged. Indigo was beyond explanation.

They sat down to eat. Stefano took the seat opposite Indigo, and Dean slid in opposite Hazel. Their knees banged together under the table and he gave her another of his vertigo-inducing smiles. Oh, God. She was in trouble.

“Well?” he asked again.

“Oh for goodness’ sake, Hazel, go on a picnic!” Indigo said. “Think about your neutrophils.”

Stefano was nodding vigorously. “Yes, your neutrophils,” he said, having no idea what he was saying.

“Honestly, Hazel,” Dean said, grinning mischievously, “how could you even contemplate neglecting your neutrophils. You need this picnic.”

She might regret it but she took a deep breath and plunged. “Okay, I’ll go on the picnic. Now can we shut up about neutrophils and eat this amazing meal?”

Author Lisa-Marie Cabrelli

Lisa-Marie has a weird accent – it’s kind of English, with some Jersey twang and Scottish slang thrown in. That happens when you’re born in England, move to NJ as a teenager and marry a sexy Scotsman.

If you like to read breezy, fun books that you can’t put down then she’d love it if you’d read her books and then emailed her with questions, ideas or insults. You can reach her at: lisa@laptoplifelisa.com

She travels a lot. You’ll find most of her favorite locations popping up in her books. She’s struggling with some serious empty nest syndrome since her daughter flew the nest, which is why she fosters lots of kittens. It doesn’t help much.

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Snapshots From My Uneventful Life
by David Aboulafia
Genre: Comedy, Autobiography
 
In this hysterical, irreverent and sometimes thought-provoking
collection of essays, the author takes us on a journey through
everyday, real-life events that started out as “uneventful,” but
wound up being anything but. “Snapshots” is a book that everyone
will identify with, and that will have you holding your stomach with
laughter and scratching your head in wonder!
~~~~~
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Check out this peek inside:
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“A Funny Gag, But No Laughing Matter”
POOR COCO, my one-year-old, chocolate brown, 65 pound, positively loony Standard Poodle, was about to get his balls chopped off.
Look, there’s just no delicate way to describe it, and I’m not sure whether I should tiptoe around anything or sugar coat the true nature of the event. Employing a more acceptable term such as “neuter” would not alter the graphic significance of such a procedure, at least to any human male.
While convinced of the necessity for this long ago, and despite the sage assurances of the capable veterinarians we consulted (who, I assure you, would just as quickly have recommended the de-balling of my canary or koala), I could not shake the disturbing notion that my loving pet’s very soul would be affected in some way.
Maybe he would come out of surgery like a Stepford wife, or like one of those pod people who are just like the humans they replace, except that they’re not.
That bothered me. That, and the fact I couldn’t even discuss the issue with the vet without two hands shielding my gonads. Hey, don’t wave a red flag in front of a bull, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, my wife took him to the vet that day. Before Coco left, I approached him with bowed head as if he were going to the gallows. I said I was sorry I had failed him, that I had done everything I could, but, that it would be over quickly, and he wouldn’t feel a thing.
French poodles are among the smartest dogs on the planet, and Coco is no exception. He is also a crap expert, as most dogs tend to be, and is fully able to recognize it when it is exiting the mouth of his human. He looked at me with disdain and disbelief, snarling at my disingenuousness, and I didn’t blame him a bit.
The task of retrieving my pup fell to me several hours later. This is a duty that has always caused me great pain and anguish. How it is possible that a man gets as anxious over the health of his dog as the health of his children I cannot imagine, but I do. I drove to the vet with feelings of dark anticipation and dread.
My anxiety expresses itself through my comedy, I suppose, or in the attempt, at least. I guess it’s a way of expelling bad thoughts. I entered the clinic and approached the five sweet-but-always-distracted female administrators who crowded the small area that was the front office. Separating them from the patient waiting area was a four foot high barrier, which they no doubt thought steep enough to fend off any large beast weighing more than any of those sheltered behind it.
“I’m here to pick up Coco,” I announced stoutly. “I believe that he was spayed,” I added.
On the one hand, I was quite proud of my use of complex medical terminology. On the other hand, I didn’t mind disclaiming a precise awareness of the procedure, so I would at least have culpable deniability if anyone were to think me cruel or unfeeling for having so mercilessly mutilated my pet.
“You mean neutered, I hope,” pleaded one of the oh-so-kind assistants, reminding me that the term “spay” is most often used in connection with the female of the species. She spoke with a curious narrowing of her left eye as if to assess whether I might have brought the animal in for a sex change.
“Oh, yes, I’m sorry,” I cheerfully agreed. Wishing to clarify the matter, I simply added that Coco had been brought in to get his balls chopped off, and that was the long and the short of it.
As you can imagine, this remark was received with some disapproval.
Then, I got an idea. I giggled to myself. I forced myself serious, and looked around to see if any- one was in earshot of my thoughts. Finding no one – and somewhat disappointed – I leaned forward.
“May I ask you something?” I inquired of the wholly efficient two-kids-three-cats-mom assistant in front of me.
“Of course,” she replied.
“Can I keep them?” I asked.
Everyone in the office area stopped what they were doing and looked up.
“Excuse me?” she asked.
Timing was everything, and I knew it. I floated a pregnant pause and replied.
“Can I keep them?” I repeated.
“You want to keep them?” she asked.
“Yes…well, actually, it’s my wife who wants them.”
“Your wife?”
Everyone was at full attention now, and I had achieved what I had set out to; namely, to make a complete spectacle of myself.
“Yes,” I replied. “She wants to keep them in a jar on the mantle.”
“In a jar?” she asked with some astonishment.
“Yes,” I repeated.
“On the mantle?” she asked.
“Yes….” I replied, and quite eagerly, now. I was ready for my close-up, baby; ready to deliver the punch line.
“She wants to display them right next to mine,” I added happily.
Well, I thought it was funny. Most of my audience laughed, getting the gag.
But, in relief, I am sure.
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More Snapshots? From My Uneventful Life
 
More Snapshots is the cheeky sibling of its predecessor Snapshots From My
Uneventful Life. Chatty, hilarious and often poignant, David I.
Aboulafia takes us on a journey through every day, real-life events
that start out as uneventful, but that wind up being anything but…

 
~~~~~
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Check out this peek inside:
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“MAX”
HIS NAME WAS MAX and he grew up in Brooklyn. He was a former Marine sergeant and served in the Second World War. He was a big guy and a tough son of a bitch and words in the form of hoarse orders spewed from his mouth as easily as his ready laugh, which was always followed by a grin so broad it seemed it could connect California to New York.
And once upon a time, in Brooklyn, New York, Max met a woman, and her name was Adele, and he fell in love with her and married her, and they had children together and stayed together for life. And it was a good life.
Max was a dear friend of my father. Adele was a childhood friend of Mom. I knew them both my entire life. Max always treated me as a son, and I loved him for it.
And one day Max and Adele took the kids and moved to Arizona, and they got old there, and they died there, one soon after the other. And then they came back to Brooklyn together one last time.
I don’t know exactly what moves a person to wish to be cremated, but some do. The way Max thought about it, I guess, was that he wished to be buried in Brooklyn, which he still considered his home. But he also knew that his family was now 2000 miles away from that place and couldn’t be counted on to visit him there. No one he had known in Brooklyn was alive to come to his gravesite, either. So, he decided to be cremated, and his wife agreed, and they decided that their ashes were to be spread on the beach in Coney Island, where they had spent so many happy times together.
So Max requested that his family and friends visit him one last time, back there in Brooklyn, just off the boardwalk, in the shadow of the Parachute Jump and the Wonder Wheel. And they did.
And so did I.
We all sat on a picnic table, in front of Nathan’s, right by the sea, and everyone ate hot dogs and French fries, and looked at pictures and shared our memories. Then each of us was given a slender plastic tube, and each tube contained ashes, the mortal remains of Adele and Max, in equal proportion, we were told. Together.
We turned and all walked out onto the beach. It was a bright spring day, and the brisk sea air smelled wonderful, and all around us were laughing children and hawking vendors, and people taking pictures, and riding bicycles, and walking dogs, and eating cotton candy. My ears were filled with the screams of kids on the Thunderbolt, and I looked over my shoulder to see the mad-capped mug of the park’s famous Alfred E. Newman look-alike over the gate separating the boardwalk from the new Luna Park, all getting smaller and smaller as I walked towards the water’s edge.
One of Max’s grand-kids was there, and she had never been on a beach; she had never seen the ocean.
“I had no idea it would look like this,” she said, as she stared in amazement.
I smiled at her innocent remark as I turned and gazed over the water. “This is the Atlantic Ocean,” I said. “This is where your grandfather wanted to be.”
I thought of Max as I walked, and that smile of his, and that crazy laugh of his, and how he used to slap me on the back every time he saw me. Tears came to my eyes as I thought of the times we had shared, and with those tears came a realization. You might call it a greater appreciation for the scope of the sad duty bestowed upon the members of our stalwart group.
Then I began to ponder something I was already aware of: that the plastic tube I was carrying contained the remains of two people, co-mingled, as they were. I don’t know why I started to think about this, but I did.
And when I thought about it for a little longer, I realized that I really didn’t know who or what was in these tubes at all. For a moment, I started to feel really eeekkked out, if you know what I mean.
“OK, slow down,” I mumbled to myself. I had to come to grips with the fact that small remnants of my friends were in these vials, in what proportion I could only guess.
But which parts? I mean, was I holding the remains of Adele’s big toe and Max’s testicles?
Then I remembered that Max had only one testicle. Something had happened to the other one – I really don’t remember what – but as I recall the other functioned quite well on its own, thank you very much. For some strange reason, I choked out a gravelly chuckle. I wondered whether Max was laughing right at this moment, wherever he was.
I wondered a bit less when another thought occurred to me.
The beach was crowded.
No.
The beach was extraordinarily crowded. People were sunbathing, having full meals on blankets, drinking under umbrellas and reading books as they lay on the sand. Kids were running back and forth with beach balls and footballs and soccer balls; throwing Frisbees to each other, and trying to persuade the wind to catch their kites.
Did I mention it was a windy day?
It was a very windy day.
Ten people were going to spread the ashes of my two beloved friends onto the sand of an extraordinarily crowded beach on a very windy day.
An image of Max holding his stomach in laughter flashed across my mind.
I stopped and turned around. I had walked perhaps thirty yards, and it was about one hundred more yards to the water. I noted that the wind was coming from the direction of the ocean and that the crowd was a bit thinner where I was standing. I could actually see a clear path to the boardwalk every now and then, with no people zigzagging back and forth.
In short, I thought maybe we could pull this off right there, without any part of Max being picked up by an errant breeze, only to become part of someone’s turkey sandwich.
Then I noticed that not all of our party had advanced upon the beach as far as I had. One of the more elderly participants was arguing with one of Max’s kids, advising that she was unable to make the long walk to the ocean, as the offspring was apparently suggesting. The woman – an octogenarian, it appeared – was summarily deserted to remain on the boardwalk to await the troupe’s return. I couldn’t tell if her assignment of ashes were confiscated from her as a further penalty for her sorry lack of cooperation and her dismal failure to appreciate the spirit of the occasion.
I waited for the entire group to catch up with me. The husband of one of Max’s daughters came to my side. He was burdened with an array of cameras, tripods and other electronic devices slung over his shoulders. For some reason, he reminded me of a wartime correspondent.
He suggested to the group that we all form a circle, say a few words and scatter the ashes we were holding. I crooked my finger at him, beckoning him closer, suggesting he humor me with a brief conference.
“I recommend that you keep your back to the wind,” I whispered into his ear.
He looked at me – momentarily bewildered – until a particularly strong gust clarified the meaning of my proposal.
“I see,” was his only reply, as he wisely turned his back to the ocean, and the wind, and abandoned his notion of forming a mystical ring, which I’m sure might have assisted our dearly departed cross over, as it were, but which would’ve also assured that half our party would’ve been dusted with their remains. He was now prepared to complete the task at hand.
His wife would have none of this. She declared that she was wading into the ocean and depositing her share of ashes there. The implication of her remark was that we should all do the same. I realized that to follow her example would be to convert the entire affair into something more akin to a baptism than a funeral. I also realized I was wearing $200 shoes. Then another thought occurred to me.
Was any of this legal? Surely this had to be against the law. You can’t just toss the remains of dead people anywhere you choose.
Can you?
Another image of Max crossed my mind. This time he was rolling around on the floor in hysterics, curled into a fetal position, begging me to stop.
As we advanced towards the water the beach-going throngs seemed to multiply, the crowds becoming thicker and thicker. Our party began to disperse.
Max’s daughter waded into the water. Her two teenage daughters – Max’s grandkids – walked hand in hand down the beach, scattering their share of ashes as they did. It was touching and quite beautiful, and the sight of them tenderly dispersing the remains of their grandparents along the shoreline made for a memorable snapshot in its way.
It was marred only by the sight of their father back-stepping down the beach in advance of his daughters. He was in his full cinematic glory – acting as cameraman, director and producer of his own Greatest Moments motion picture – armed with a digital single-lens reflex camera in one hand, a camcorder in the other, and a light meter strung around his neck, all of which he operated as he barked commands to his offspring, including this precious directorial snippet:
“Girls, you’ve got to give me more.”
Four of our party decided to form a circle after all. For some reason, I just let them do it, without protest of any kind. I guess I was kind of overwhelmed.
They said a few kind words and scattered the contents of their tubes upon the sand. They were oblivious to the fact that the already high gusts were significantly more gustful at the water’s edge where they were standing.
The result was predictable. In the next moment the remains of Adele and Max – or a few tubes worth of them, anyway – were carried away by the prevailing winds and deposited back in the direction from which they had been released, specifically, onto a female participant’s bright green slacks. She giggled like a schoolgirl, apparently out of embarrassment.
Oops!
I thought about Max’s testicle again.
The woman brushed Max and Adele off of her pants. I gasped. I tried to compose myself.
About twenty feet from the shore I turned to face the boardwalk and dropped to my knees. I opened the cap on my small tube. I let the sounds of the wind and the crowds fill my ears. The majestic Cyclone rose before my eyes, and with it came ghostly memories of fortune tellers and freak shows and games of chance and of Steeplechase Park. I thought of old photos, and old movies, and tried to remember what Coney Island must have looked like in the 1950s.
I thought of Adele and Max going on countless dates here, walking hand-in-hand along the shoreline, much like their grandchildren had done today.
My friends had returned to their home, to their happy place, where their love for each other first began to bloom.
Maybe this wasn’t such a bad place to wind up after all, I thought to myself.
Thomas Wolfe wrote that you can’t go back home to your childhood, or to romantic love, or to the old forms of things which once seemed everlasting. You can’t go back home to the escapes of Time and Memory, he wrote.
But perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps some people form an eternal connection with the places they consider their homes, one that remains unbroken no matter how far they may stray from them. Perhaps we only get to have one real home in our lives, and that some of us will feel a need to return to it, at one point or another, in this life, or in the next.
With a sad tear in my eye, I slowly spread their ashes across the sand.
I said my goodbyes, and I left.
As I did, a breeze picked up and my shirt buffeted around me.
I could swear I felt a slap on my back.
.
~~~~~
DAVID I. ABOULAFIA is an attorney with a practice in the heart of New York
City. He spends the wee hours of the morning writing books that
terrify and amuse. His days are spent in the courts and among the
skyscrapers, and his evenings with the trees, the stars, his wife and
his dog in a suburb north of the City.
 
 
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The Lucky One
Sylvie Stewart
(Carolina Connections, #3)
Publication date: May 11th 2017
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Romance

When your luck runs out, do you run away—or do you stay and fight?

Bailey:
Let’s get one thing straight. I am not your typical girl. Sure I’ve got all the parts, but I’ve been a stubborn, irreverent tomboy since the womb, as my Irish father would proudly attest. Despite my Irish blood, I’ve had a bit of bad luck here and there—I recently trusted the wrong guy and got derailed in my professional pursuits. But I’ve bounced back. With my shields firmly in place, I thought nothing, or no one, could touch me again. Until he did. And he just might make this tomboy do the girliest thing in the world—fall head over heels in love. Of all the damn luck…

Jake:
I’m a pretty lucky guy. I have a phenomenal family, a career I love, and I’m building a brand-new life back in my hometown. And, not to be a jerk about it, but I do more than all right with the ladies. Everything’s been going according to plan—like I said, I’m a lucky guy.

That was, until my luck ran out.

Until I met the girl I call “Irish.”

Irony can go kiss my a$$.

Goodreads / Amazon / iBooks / Kobo

~~~~~

Enjoy this glimpse inside

I was struck again by the thought that everyone in the world seemed to be good with kids but me. And how unfair was it that Jake Beckett was not only hot as sin and a wizard in the sack, but he was also nice to small people and fainting women?

What was I supposed to do with that?

We finally pulled into the driveway and I hopped out quickly to avoid any awkward assistance that might be offered. Seeming to need no invitation, Jake followed us inside and closed the door behind him.

I took a deep breath and firmed my back as well as my resolve.

“As you can see, we’re all fine. I appreciate your concern—and the burritos—but everything is under control. We’ll go ahead and get on with our day and you can get on with yours.” I held my hand out toward the door like some damn restaurant hostess.

“Uh-huh,” he replied and had the nerve to lean against the entryway wall and put his hands in his pockets.

What was this? Was he posing for a bachelor-of-the-month calendar?

Gah!

I performed the hostess gesture yet again.

This time it received a grin.

“What?!” I demanded.

He looked me up and down. “Uh-huh.”

I became acutely aware of my attire and general appearance in that moment. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks.

My hair was in a messy ponytail and I was dressed in athletic shorts and a men’s t-shirt. I didn’t need to look down to know there was a ketchup stain on the hem and a dinosaur riding a bicycle on the front. I have no explanation.

I urged myself to ignore Jake’s look and not even attempt to interpret it.

This moment perfectly captured the reason all Jake’s texts and calls had gone unanswered over the past three weeks.

He wasn’t texting me.

He was texting the girl from the wedding.

The girl I’d pretended to be for one night.

The girl I would never be.

The one I couldn’t afford to be.

(Copyright 2017 Sylvie Stewart)

 

Author Sylvie Stewart

Sylvie Stewart’s addiction to books has been a lifelong problem. It was the cause of many scoldings when her mother discovered Sylvie army-crawling to the bookshelf after lights out. And it is the reason her husband would have a fairly solid case if he claimed “alienation of affection” and pointed a finger at her e-reader (a.k.a “The Precious”). Never-the-less, books are in Sylvie’s heart to stay, and she has transformed her love of books into a career as an author.

A recent move to North Carolina inspired Sylvie’s debut Romantic Comedy series. Carolina Connections is a collection of standalone novels based in her new hometown, and it combines her love of romance, humor, and sexy times. There is also some wine drinking incorporated in there, as this is another of Sylvie’s passions. Perhaps a future story will also involve kayaking, a new interest in Sylvie’s life. Experience has taught her that you can’t kayak and drink wine simultaneously, though, so don’t try this at home!

The Fix, The Spark, and The Lucky One are now available. The fourth book in the Carolina Connections series will release in Fall 2017.. That is, if Sylvie’s eight-year-old twins will stop trying to peek at her laptop while she’s writing. That might lead to some awkward parent-teacher conferences.

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Welcome to the Book Tour for Elizabeth J.M. Walker’s new novella, This Night Sucks!Follow the tour each day to read reviews, guest posts, and exclusive excerpts.

 

Book Details:
From the author of She Dreamed of Dragons
Title: This Night Sucks
Author Name: Elizabeth J.M. Walker
Genre(s): Young Adult, Paranormal, Fantasy, Vampires, Comedy
Release Date: June 17, 2016
 
Synopsis
Lana is a high school senior enrolled in Vampire Education – a class to teach students about the very real presence of vampires in the world. Lana and her classmates don’t really expect to meet up with any undead bloodsuckers. Vampires are a lot like other scary things that supposedly exist but you hope you’ll never come across: nudist colonies, mad cow disease, and your parents’ sex life.
What is part of Lana’s everyday reality is navigating through one last year of high school while desperately trying to be less nerdy. She still loves spaceships, fantasy novels, and cat stickers, but she also recently got her braces removed, grew boobs, and is working on the makeup thing. She never expected her crush-of-a-lifetime Pete to even notice her – let alone ask her out on a date.
The date is going great until Pete’s ex-girlfriend Katy shows up, all bloody and pissed off. Lana quickly realizes that Katy is not just her ordinary bitchy self – she has been turned into a vampire. After a near death experience, Lana learns that she is changing into a vampire too.
Lana needs answers, and the only way to get them is to find the vampire who started the chain of events – and to find him before sunrise…
 
Meet the Author:
Elizabeth J. M. Walker lives in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. She has always loved books and writing. As a teen she discovered zines, which inspired her to publish her own litzine of odd fairy tales for over a decade.
She Dreamed of Dragons is her first novel.
Connect with Elizabeth J.M. Walker:
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wedding haters

Wedding Haters by Melissa Baldwin

The exquisite dress, the dazzling menu, the family drama . . . It’s the day every girl dreams of, and Madison Wales is no exception. Her wedding plans seem to be going perfectly thanks to her very talented wedding planner, Sienna Harris. That is, until her grandmother and her two overachieving, bullying cousins suddenly want to become very involved in her big day. But . . . why? Madison’s perfect wedding dreams are dashed as things slowly start to unravel. With family drama in her midst, she wonders if her cousins are behind each disaster or if she has truly become a paranoid bridezilla. Will Madison be able to withstand all of the pressure and finally stand up for herself? The idea of eloping with her fiancé, Cole, is looking better everyday, even if it means leaving her dream wedding behind. Will she make the right choice?

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Excerpt

“There you are. Why did you run off so abruptly?” She sounds very concerned. I contemplate explaining everything to her, but I’m not sure I want to share the skeletons in my closet just yet.
“I’m sorry. I’m just a little nervous about seeing my cousins. I haven’t seen them in a while,” I explain.
“Don’t you worry! When it comes to family, it doesn’t matter how much time goes by,” she says as she pats my arm.
This woman has no clue what is about to take place. My grandmother alone is a piece of work; thankfully, they have met and really got along well. I’m secretly hoping that the Ellie I spoke with on the phone is the Ellie that shows up tonight. Susan and Cole leave as I take a few more minutes to myself. As I stand, there in Susan’s perfect guest bathroom it occurs to me that maybe I’m completely over-reacting. Ellie and I did have a good conversation, and ultimately they have gotten their way by being asked to be in the wedding. That should be enough for them to be on their best behavior and not make themselves look bad in front of my new family.
Just then, I hear the doorbell ring and hear several female voices. Cole knocks on the door.
“All hell is about to break loose, are you ready?” he says, raising his eyebrows. He grabs my hand.
“I’m ready, but the question is, are you?” I lean up on my tippy toes to give him another kiss, and we head to the living room as if we are walking into a lion’s den.

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MelissaAuthor Melissa Baldwin

Melissa graduated from the University of Central Florida with a Bachelor’s Degree in Communications; she has always had a love for writing. An avid journal keeper, she fulfilled her dream with her debut novel, An Event To Remember . . . Or Forget.
Melissa resides in Orlando, Florida, with her husband and young daughter. She is a master at organization and multi-tasking. Her daily jobs include mother, chauffeur, wife, PTA President, Fitness Trainer, and now Author.
When she has free time, she enjoys traveling, fitness, decorating, fashion, and taking a Disney Cruise every now and then.

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Open only to those who can legally enter, receive and use an Amazon.com Gift Code or Paypal Cash. Winning Entry will be verified prior to prize being awarded. No purchase necessary. You must be 18 or older to enter or have your parent enter for you. The winner will be chosen by rafflecopter and announced here as well as emailed and will have 48 hours to respond or a new winner will be chosen. This giveaway is in no way associated with Facebook, Twitter, Rafflecopter or any other entity unless otherwise specified. The number of eligible entries received determines the odds of winning. Giveaway was organized by Kathy from I Am A Reader and sponsored by readinglight.com. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW.

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Special Offers by M. L. Ryan

Special Offers Cover

I was curious about this story after reading the synopsis. I don’t usually use one in my reviews but I’ll let you read this one.


Synopsis from Goodreads

Hailey Parrish is quick-witted, irreverent, and hasn’t had a date in three years. She only wanted an eBook reader because her collection of paperbacks threatened to take over her small living space. Little did she know that the “special offers” that prompted the purchase included much more than a reduced price in exchange for a few ads. The device came pre-loaded with the essence of Sebastian Kess, an erudite womanizer with magical abilities from a parallel dimension. When she inadvertently releases him and he inhabits her body, she finally has a man inside her, just not in the way she imagined. And soon her predicament introduces her to yet another supernatural, the handsome could-be-the-man-of-her-dreams Alex Sunderland. Can Alex and Hailey find a way to return Sebastian to his own body, stay one step ahead of the criminals who want to keep him where he is, and not lose their sense of humor?

It’s something new for me and naturally I had to read Special Offers. I really like the title. It ties in neatly with the book.

The first thing that popped into my head when I read it was a genie in a magic lamp!

magic lamp photo: A magic lamp topmaqnipulationmagik.jpg

I thought, Wow, a new take for an old tale. I thought it was quite creative. Don’t know if that was the authors basis, but it works for me.

From the beginning I knew I liked Hailey. She is so normal and genuine. I could relate to her, right down to her eating habits. I too stand at the kitchen sink and chow down sometimes. When you are cooking for one, why make a mess at the table to clean up. And her daily routines. I also feel like a robot going through the motions half awake.

Her life is anything but routine when she purchases the Kindle and presses the on button. It came fully loaded. Loaded with the essence, or spirit, of Sebastian, a Coursodon from another dimension. And now he’s inside her. She can hear him in her head.

Along comes Alex. He’s another Coursodon and he has been tracking Sebastian, trying to return him to his body. He comes clean about who and what he is to Hailey. He’ll be needing her help. This part made me laugh!

I knew you were too good  looking to be in insurance,” I remarked flippantly and he shot me a reproachful glare. “Hey, when I get nervous, the smart-ass just comes cascading out of my mouth,” I shrugged. “It’s a character flaw. Get over it.”

What Hailey lacks in size, she makes up for with her snarky, tough as nails attitude.  I ‘d enjoy hanging with her.

Sebastian and Alex can communicate with each other when Alex is in physical contact with Hailey. They will be holding hands a lot. The plan is to find where Sebastian’s body has been taken, and return his essence to it. That means Hailey will have to be present.

Hailey adjusts to having Sebastian in her head, but she doesn’t have to like it. He is a very sexual male and his frustrations are very front and center at times.  Hailey’s have none of his suggestion that she bed someone to satisfy his needs. She’s not going to be his “psychic f!!k buddie.”

Hailey is slow in trusting Alex. She had a shitty marriage with a low down cheating husband and her heart took a major hit. She is very attracted to Alex, but will take it slow and easy. I like how the author keeps the heat of their relationship for the end. I thoroughly enjoyed the getting to know you parts.

My connection to Alex was gradual, but became very strong near the end. His revelations to Hailey made me want to hug him. And this scene is just to heart melting:

Alex was already in my bed under the covers, and I paused for a moment when I saw he had claimed the left side. Since as far back as I can remember, I’ve always slept on the left side of any bed bigger than a twin. It’s probably just habit, and after my initial hesitation, I started over to the opposite side, because, really, what’s the big deal about one side over another? As I pulled back the covers, however, Alex stopped me.

“Wait,” he said as he scooted over to his right. “I was just warming up your side for you.”

He held up the covers in the spot he had just vacated and I dutifully moved around the bed and climbed in. The sheets were, indeed, warm and cozy, a far cry from the chilliness that winter usually imparts to bedding.


That is the most considerate thing anyone has ever done for me,” I said softly. “I really don’t deserve you.”

Alex is a keeper.

As their feelings for each grow so does the danger and intrigue. Sebastian’s body is being held as a trophy by his nemesis and it won’t be easy to get it back.

Thumbs up to Special Offers. M. L. Ryan has a winner for originality and her quality of writing. She took what could have been heavy reading and made it light and fun.  Throughout the book, tidbits of everyday things in life made it very real.

And the comedy kept me laughing. I had many laugh out loud moments, like when Hailey teases Sebastian with a view of her sexy friend Rachel, and about her job – she milks Chinchillas. And the back and forth with Sebastian, in her head, is too funny!

Special Offers came along at a low point, and it was a perfect cure for my blues. It will make you laugh and smile, cheering you up.

Here are some scenes I really cracked up at:

“By the way, how did you get my number?”

“Men’s bathroom wall, second stall,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“Excuse me?”

“Just trying to lighten the mood…”

And this one:

I really had enough of Sebastian at the moment. “Hey Sebastard,” I sputtered. “Yumago! Do prdele! Haista paska! Jabiesz jeze! Foda-se!”

“What was all that?”

I stood and huffed out, Korean, Czech, Finnish, Polish and Portugese!”

I started this book with a peek. Next thing I knew I was on Chapter 4. I fell asleep reading it the first night. Couldn’t stay awake. Tried to finish it the next night, and so tired from work I fell asleep again. Getting frustrated! I had a surprise day off the next morning and finished it while my son was in the dentist’s chair. People were giving me funny looks when I chuckled. I ended up talking to two women in the waiting room, and they said they were going to check it out.

You should check it out too. It’s a perfect book to lighten your mood and make you smile.

  I loved it and so did my Kindle!

5 STARS

The girl on the cover is the perfect choice to represent Hailey. I have two men who popped into my head to represent Sebastian and Alex.

Here is Alex

And here is Sebastian

Melissa has sent me a picture of who she sees Alex as!

I’m excited to tell you that M L Ryan has accepted my request for an interview and she’s also offering one paperback and two e-books for a giveaway!!

I’m so happy to have you here today Melissa! I loved Special Offers and I want everyone to get to know the author behind the story. Let’s get started shall we?

1) What “possessed” you to write this story and where did the idea come from?

*Laughing*  I had just purchased my full-priced Kindle when I saw Amazon was selling less expensive versions that came with “special offers.”  For some reason, my warped brain thought it would be amusing if what made the cheaper Kindles special was that they came with some fiendish spirit.  Originally, I imagined something like a havoc-wrecking poltergeist, but that quickly changed into the annoying, yet ingratiating Sebastian Kess.

2) I laughed so much reading Special Offers and fell in love with Hailey. Was it your plan all along for her to be so funny, and does she resemble you in any way?

 When it comes to snark, Hailey and I have a lot in common.  No matter what’s happening – good or bad – I seem to always find something humorous in the situation (often to the consternation of those around me).  Because humor is so much a part of who I am, I don’t think I could write something without it.  Aside from that, Hailey and I share the same out-of-control hair, a love of tequila and the tendency to swear like a sailor.

3) Where did the idea for Coursodons come from? I’m always curious when I discover new beings.

 The magically-inclined folks from a parallel dimension developed easily from the main premise that Hailey’s eBook Reader came with a little something extra.  It didn’t make sense for the inhabitant to be a vamp or a werewolf, and a demon or a witch wasn’t exactly right either.  So, I came up with a whole new world instead.  I’m really enjoying the world-building, it’s one of the most satisfying parts of the process.

4) I loved the ending and I’m so happy this is going to be a series. Can you tell us when we might expect book two and how many books there may be in the series?

 The second book should be out in another month or so.  I have ideas for five books in this series, and hopefully I will get a chance to write them!  Unfortunately, the day-job tends to get in the way.

5) Your book has travelers from other dimensions in it and it’s made me curious. Do you like to travel and if you could go any place you wanted, where would it be?

 I love to be someplace different, but I despise traveling. If I could just snap my fingers and instantly be transported, I’d be hopping all over the world.  The thought of flying, however, makes me crazy.  I do it, but it’s a struggle every time.  That said, I’ve always wanted to go to Nepal.  I think it’s because I like the sound of Katmandu.

6) Do you prefer reading print or digital books and what kind of e-reader do you have?

 I have a Kindle, and when I first got it, I was concerned that I would miss the feel of a real book.  Was I wrong!  I love almost everything about the eBook format; the ease of obtaining books, the ability to change the font size, having thousands of books crammed into one, compact device.  The one aspect that annoys me, however, is how traditional publishers charge the same amount for an eBook as for a print book.  Really?  What a rip-off.

7) You mentioned you adopted two desert tortoises. Did you name them, and if so, how did you choose their names? I love turtles.

 I inherited my mother’s tortoises when she moved to a much smaller home, so they came pre-named.  Spurge – she’s 30 years old – got her name because she loves to munch on the eponymous weed which grows abundantly here.  Dunny, 25, got his moniker because my mother thought another tortoise was “redundant”.  They have very distinct personalities – Spurge comes when she’s called and Dunny loves to climb.  Because they are so long-lived, I expect that one day,  my son will inherit them from me.

 

Five fun shorts!

1) If you could be any creature in the sea, what would you be? 

A nudibranch.  They have such beautiful colors.

 2) What is your favorite movie to watch on Halloween? 

I love the original Bela Lugosi Dracula movies.  Something about the bad acting and the lack of color makes them really creepy.

 3) If you could have dinner with a sexy movie actor, who would you choose?

  Ryan Reynolds.  He’s sexy and funny.

 4) Are you an early riser or do you hit the snooze button?

I hate getting up. That’s where the comment in Special Offers – If god wanted us to get up when it was dark out, he wouldn’t have given us eyelids – came from.

 5) What is your birthstone? 

Topaz.

Thanks so much for doing this interview with me Melissa. It’s been really fun getting to know you. And a huge thank you for allowing me to host this giveaway.

To Enter The Giveaway

For todays giveaway there will be three winners. I have one paperback and two e-books of Special Offers to giveaway!

Entry is easy. Just leave your email address along with the answer to this question: Who would you like to find in your Kindle?

While it’s not required, it makes me smile when you follow me on twitter and my blog. You can find Melissa’s contacts below. Thanks so much and good luck everyone!

This contest ends on November 1st.

You can purchase Special Offers by clicking on the image below.

Other Purchase links:

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/131930

Barnes and Noble:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/special-offers-ml-ryan/1109231583?ean=2940033051014

CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/3940235

For more about M L Ryan and where to find her:

Author’s web site: http://www.coursodondimension.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/CoursodonDimension

Twitter:  @MLRyan1

Email: MLRyan@coursodondimension.com