Title: My EX From Hell
Author: Tellulah Darling
Series: The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #1
Genre: Young Adult, mythological
Sixteen-year-old Sophie Bloom wishes she’d been taught the following:
a) Bad boy’s presence (TrOuBlE) + teen girl’s brain (DraMa) = TrAuMa (Highly unstable and very volatile.)
b) The Genus Greekulum Godissimus is notable for three traits: 1) awesome abilities, 2) grudges, and 3) hook-ups, break-ups, and in-fighting that puts cable to shame.
Prior to the Halloween dance, Sophie figures her worst problems involve adolescent theatrics, bitchy teen yoga girls, and being on probation at her boarding school for mouthy behaviour. Then she meets bad boy Kai and gets the kiss that rocks her world.
Literally.
This breath stealing lip lock reawakens Sophie’s true identity: Persephone, Goddess of Spring. She’s key to saving humanity in the war between the Underworld and Olympus, target numero uno of Hades and Zeus, and totally screwed.
Plus there’s also the little issue that Sophie’s last memory as Persephone was just before someone tried to murder her.
Big picture: master her powers, get her memories back, defeat Persephone’s would be assassin, and save the world. Also, sneak into the Underworld to retrieve stolen property, battle the minions of Hades and Zeus, outwit psycho nymphs, slay a dragon, rescue a classmate, keep from getting her butt expelled from the one place designed to keep her safe …
… and stop kissing Kai, Prince of the Underworld.
My Ex From Hell is a YA romantic comedy, Greek mythology smackdown. Love meets comedy with a whole lot of sass in book one of this teen fantasy romance series. Compared to Kai and Sophie, Romeo and Juliet had it easy.
When the going gets desperate, the desperate send email
To: ????
From: bloomingoddess@gmail.com
Subject: Seriously?
Dear Your Royal Imperialness Demeter, Goddess of Grain and Fertility, Preserver of
Marriage, and Bringer of Seasons,
Or can I just call you Mom?
Bet you never thought you’d be hearing from me. Sorry for not having written sooner,
but until about twelve hours ago, I didn’t know you existed. Nothing personal.
See, yesterday, I was plain old Sophie Bloom. My life sucked in your typical 16-year-old
ways. I was stuck here at Hope Park Progressive School on probation again (“mouthy
behavior”), dealing with cliquish poseurs, rampant hormones, blah blah blah.
Then I met a guy. I know that’s the worst cliché ever. But sadly, it’s true. And of course,
me being me, he couldn’t be just any bad boy. No. He had to be Kai, son of Hades, Lord of
the Underworld. Anyway, he was really hot and there was this bone-melting kiss and …
whatever. The point is, before he showed up, I thought I was human. Afterward, well, let’s
just say everything changed. Who knew when I was cramming Greek mythology for my
English final, I was studying the family tree?
They say when you die, your whole life supposedly flashes before your eyes. When Kai
and I kissed, here’s what flashed before mine—Mount Olympus, Zeus, the Underworld,
Hades, and you. But that wasn’t my life. Or was it?
Here’s the Wiki version. (Do you have Wi-Fi on Mt. Olympus?) Turns out I’m
Persephone. Me, Goddess of Spring and Embodiment of Earth’s Fertility? Ew! Which makes
me your kid, Hades’ target, and totally screwed. In the myth version, I’m the innocent
maiden, you’re the grieving mother, and we’re reunited with great joy. Guess that’s why they
call it a myth.
I know I sound like a nut bar. And maybe I’ll wake up in a padded room restrained for
my own safety. But in that moment with Kai, it felt real. Like I knew who I was. Or used to be. Those were my memories flashing before my eyes—not some fantasy or hallucination.
Part of me remembered those moments. But where do I go from here? And is there an online
tutorial I can take?
I don’t exactly have your email. But if you’re a goddess, maybe you’ll know I’m writing.
That I really need my mom right now. And if not—well, I guess I’ll save this for my
obituary. Which I’ll probably need pretty soon because of the gods-wanting-me-dead thing.
Take care.
Sophie
a.k.a. Persephone
a.k.a. Goddess of Spring
a.k.a. Your Daughter
Tellulah Darling
noun
1. YA romantic comedy author because her first kiss sucked and she’s compensating.
2. Alter ego of former screenwriter.
3. Sassy minx.
Geeks out over: cool tech.
Squees for: great storytelling.
Delights in: fabulous conversation.
Writes about: where love meets comedy. Awkwardness ensues.
Sassy girls. Swoony boys. What could go wrong?
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