Archive for the ‘Excerpt’ Category

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Welcome to my stop on the virtual book tour for Method To Madness organized by Goddess Fish Promotions.

Author Thomas Grant Bruso will be awarding a $10 Amazon or B&N Gift Card to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour. Don’t forget to enter!

And you can click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.

Method To Madness

by Thomas Grant Bruso

 

 

Genre: Mystery / LGBT

Synopsis

Five years ago, Jack Ballinger was a police officer.

He has since moved from the small upstate New York town of Black Falls for greener pastures and a peaceful life alone in the Green Mountain State. Time has changed Jack — he is no longer the man he used to be. A significant challenge for him has been the heartbreaking loss of his boyfriend, companion, and one true love, Steve.

Now alone, Jack has yet to deal rationally with the immediate changes of his new life. After losing his partner, Jack drank heavily to numb the pain and forget his life-changing loss. Now, he must find a way to move forward without Steve and the life he built for himself. Joining an Alcoholics Anonymous group helps quiet the voices that still keep him awake at night. But something much darker has followed him to his life in the quiet corners of Vermont.

When Jack thinks he has buried the scars of his past, a new nightmare emerges. How far will Jack go to end the imminent evil in his life and kill it for good?

Trigger warning: this story addresses suicide and suicidal ideation.

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Enjoy this peek inside:

My work boots clipped across the newly polished floor, squeaking with each determined step toward the security guard’s office in the back of the mall. I didn’t usually get frightened, but after the week’s events of Jacob Adler’s murder and my recurring hallucinations, I was on guard twenty-four-seven. The wall I’d built after Steve died sent me into a tailspin. I lost my self-confidence to “live on — move on,” as Steve had put it. Getting out of bed was the most challenging part of the day, getting started. But not as difficult as being a suspect in somebody else’s murder.

I locked up in the office, hung my jacket on the wall peg along with my badge, fastened my uniform hat on top of my coat, and secured the building. I walked around the side of the shopping center to get to my truck, which was parked near the auto shop garage in the adjacent lot. My keys clanged against the side of my uniform work belt.

There was a crispness to the air as it gusted across my face.

When I reached my truck, I stopped and glanced at the imposing three-floor structure of the Rushford Shopping Mall. It had been a game-changer, I told myself. When my life was at its lowest, the job as mall security had saved me. Moving from upstate New York to Vermont and being hired at a stone’s throw distance from where everything had bottomed out of my life, life could not be better. I had to keep reminding myself that I was lucky. This was meant to be.

I was living. No – I was surviving the best way I knew how. The sharp gust of wind filled my eyes with a deep sadness.

I slipped my key into the driver’s side door. I jumped inside, cranking the station to a country song I knew Steve would roll his eyes at, but his enthusiastic expression brightened my mood. I sat in the quiet interior of my truck, my head falling against the headrest, my eyes closing to the welcoming solitude. I drummed my hands on the bottom of the steering wheel.

Then screeching tires peeled around the sharp curve of the parking lot where the lot met the edge of the road, and a song about lost love faded from memory. I opened my eyes and raised my head to tires squealing. In the rearview mirror, I glimpsed a vehicle idling behind me. I didn’t notice it at first, but the car blocked me. I adjusted my seat and stared out the rear windshield at the obscure figure behind the wheel. I couldn’t see their face, but the figure looked reedy and reached an arm out the open window, pointing at me.

I thought of the ginger-haired boy from earlier, recalling the incident on the escalator and in the restroom. Had he waited for me after hours, lurking in the parking lot, ready to scare me? My mind skipped over the events playing from earlier in the day. The incident in the men’s restroom, the smartass young man apologizing for his careless behavior, making wisecracking excuses for his friends, and blaming his actions on being an idiot. “I’m sorry, man. Really — we didn’t mean anything by it. We were being dumb sixteen-year-olds.” I remembered the sound of his laugh, a meaningless, sarcastic attempt at a reassuring apology.

I stared out into the night. The only light in the area illuminated from a lamppost wavering back and forth in the stirring wind. The mysterious driver’s gray hoodie concealed most of their face.

“You got a problem?” I yelled out the window.

A big, meaty palm rose in the air like a warning, a middle finger miming the shape of a gun, as in a caution or scare tactic.

“Prick.” I turned the key in the ignition, shifted my truck in reverse, and floored it.

The driver didn’t have much time to register my sudden actions, but he — or she — managed to switch pedals. The vehicle sped off, tires shrieking, seconds before I came a hair-fracture away from nicking the driver’s side door.

In the middle of the road, I shifted into DRIVE, and followed the vehicle at an unsafe speed. I was close behind him, noticing him reaching into the passenger side for something.

Racing through the parking lot, the driver took me on a twisty ride, swerving and taking sharp curves. I followed him for a few minutes through the winding lanes, leading around the mall’s perimeter to a larger parking area on the other side of the building.

I didn’t have time to register the events, my mind feeling scrambled and numbed from the chaotic commotion. I gripped the steering wheel and turned it sharply, the back tires screeching as I rounded the sharp bend, nearly smacking against the guardrail on my right.

I heard a gun going off. The driver was firing a round of shots out his window.

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About Author Thomas Grant Bruso

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p style=”text-align: center;”>Thomas Grant Bruso knew he wanted to be a writer at an early age. He has been a voracious reader of genre fiction since childhood.

His literary inspirations are Ray Bradbury, Dean Koontz, Stephen King, Jim Grimsley, Karin Fossum, and Joyce Carol Oates.

Bruso loves animals, reading books, and writing fiction, and prefers Sudoku to crossword puzzles.

In another life, he was a freelance writer and wrote for magazines and newspapers. In college, he won the Hermon H. Doh Sonnet Competition. Now, he writes and publishes fiction and reviews books for his hometown newspaper, The Press-Republican.

He lives in upstate New York.

Links: Twitter / Instagram / Goodreads / Facebook 

Purchase Link: Amazon

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A Beast Within

by Aidan Lucid

 

Publication date: November 10th 2023
Genres: Adult, Horror

Have you experienced true terror? For three criminals, they’re about to face it head-on!

Fresh out of prison, Jeremy vows to steer clear of a life of crime and clean up his act. But he quickly realizes that to the world, he will always be an ex-con and plunges back into his old ways. The perfect opportunity presents itself in the form of his best friend, Stephen, and his spunky girlfriend, Natalie.

After a failed bank robbery, Jeremy and his accomplices’ identities are made. So, they find refuge in the home of a typical Christian family. Their getaway should have been smooth sailing…after all it was three armed criminals against the wholesome Boyd family.

But the Boyds are hiding dark secrets of their own…

Goodreads / Amazon / Barnes & Noble / iBooks / Kobo

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Enjoy this peek inside:

Malcolm looked in his rear-view mirror at the car and its driver growing smaller by the second. “I feel bad about leaving him there.” He slowed to a stop, then shifted the stick into reverse.

“What are you doing? This is insane!” Helena protested as he reversed the Wagoneer.

“Yeah, but if anything happened to him, I’d never forgive myself. Besides, I can’t just drive past him.”

“Course you can. Just press the accelerator and go.”

He brought the Wagoneer to a halt a few feet from the Buick and yanked up the handbrake. “I won’t be long.”

“Malcolm. Malcolm!” Helena hissed as he got out.

The stranger stood staring at the front left wheel, not acknowledging Malcolm’s presence.

“Howdy, sir. Having car trouble?” he asked the chubby driver who appeared to be in his fifties.

“Got a flat. Can’t change it with my back.”

“I can do that if you like? Got a spare?”

“That’s mighty kind of you, fella. Uh . . . yeah, in the trunk.”

“Let me get my wrenching nut.” Malcolm opened his own trunk and took out the tool. He kneeled down and began unscrewing the nuts. “You from around here?”

“The next town a few miles ahead. You?”

“We live about three hours away. Hartford Town. Ever heard of it?”

“Never, sir. Thanks for doing this. I’m starvin’, I’m just waiting for my brother-in-law to come. Lazy bastard probably hasn’t even left the house yet.”

Malcolm chuckled. “Got one of those myself. Just don’t tell her I said that.”

“Yeah, God I’m hungry. Good thing you came along.”

As Malcolm continued to unscrew the nuts on the flat tire, he noticed the driver walk a short distance away from him. Next, he heard the cracking of bones and popping sounds, as if joints were being dislocated. Low grunts soon transformed into growls.

Malcolm turned to look at the man but stood up, his jaw hung in terror.

“What…the…fu—” he uttered while retreating slowly to the Wagoneer.

The stranger’s shoulders grew wider as his shirt tore. Black fur replaced the man’s chubby stomach.

“Holy crap!” Malcolm exclaimed.

The only reply he received was a quick snarl as the man turned around, no longer bearing a human face but a wolf’s instead. Sharp, yellowed teeth dripped with saliva.

Helena’s screams confirmed she saw it too.

“Hurry, Dad, get in,” David cried, as tears streamed down his pale face.

Malcolm threw the wrenching nut, hitting the beast on the forehead. It staggered back, shaking its head, momentarily dazed.

Malcolm dashed into the driver’s seat, his trembling hands fumbling for the keys. He jumped when the creature let loose a feral howl.

“Come on, start the damn car! David, honey, lock both doors and get down,” Helena said.

The werewolf started walking towards the driver’s door as the engine roared into life. As Malcolm pulled out onto the road, the beast ran after them, leaping into the air. A thud let them know he was on their roof.

“Oh, Christ. Lose him,” Helena shouted.

Malcolm let loose a few expletives as an enormous paw smashed into his window. He swerved left and right to throw the monster off. Malcolm then slammed the brakes.

The beast rolled forward, digging his claws into the metal to keep himself on the car. Malcolm feared that they were so sharp, if the werewolf reached the windshield, it would slice or tear off the roof.

“Crap,” cursed Malcolm as he drove again, unable to loosen the monster’s grip and knock it off.

The tormentor crawled up towards the windshield. When it was on the hood, the creature went on all fours. He reached back his arm, ready to smash into the glass.

“Oh no you don’t.” Malcolm slammed on the brakes again, catapulting the beast off the Wagoneer. When it hit the ground, the werewolf tumbled and rolled around before coming to a stop, its left arm bent out of shape.

All the Boyds stared on in disbelief. Helena glanced down at her skirt; shame washed over her face as a circular patch of urine soaked her crotch.

Malcolm gave another quick glance in the mirror. David’s face was whiter than normal, his eyes wide in horror. Malcolm grabbed his own right hand to stop it shaking.

They all jumped when the beast grunted again and raised its head, his bright green eyes locked menacingly on them.

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About Author Aidan Lucid:

Aidan Lucid began his author journey after a spiritual experience in 2002. Two years later, he sent several short stories, articles and poems to magazines and was published seven times that year. Having successfully completed courses in creative writing, writing for TV and radio, and freelance journalism, Lucid went on to have even more poems, articles and short stories appear in national and international magazines and anthologies over the years. Between 2019 and 2023, he published five books. Aidan is the author of a YA horror series titled, “The Hopps Town Series” and also a YA epic fantasy novel, – The Lost Son (Second Edition), the first in a YA fantasy quadrology – The Zargothian Saga. A few stand-alone stories have been released also. In his spare time, Aidan likes to listen to music (being a huge Elvis and Shakin’ Stevens fan!), read, go for walks and see the latest cinema releases with his wife, Claire.

Website / Goodreads / Facebook / Twitter / Instagram

 

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Murder Before Dawn

by Delta James

 

(Mystery, She Wrote, #1)
Publication date: November 3rd 2023
Genres: Adult, Cozy Mystery

The only thing more exciting than a famous local author staying at the bed and breakfast is a real murder mystery.

Mystery novelist and member of the Mystery Writer’s Murder Club, Jessica Murdoch, heads off for a staycation at a bed and breakfast in her hometown of Badger’s Drift, Maine for some rest and relaxation. When a murder takes place in her luxurious suite, she figures it’s up to her to uncover the town’s secrets and find the killer.

Thorn Wilder, a seasoned detective in the Badger’s Drift Police Department, is assigned to investigate the murder. Thorn, an astute and methodical investigator, is familiar with Jessica’s work and quickly recognizes her as a potential asset in solving the case. Jessica finds herself irresistibly drawn to the enigmatic detective and becomes an unofficial consultant in the investigation.

Join Jessica Murdoch, Tracer, her faithful basset hound, and Thorn Wilder as they unravel the dark mysteries that lurk beneath the surface of this small town, and discover the shocking truth that lies at the heart of it all.

Murder Before Dawn is the first story in the Mystery, She Wrote series. Four mystery authors meet at a book conference and discover they all live in small towns in Maine. After a fabulous weekend together they decide to form the Mystery Writer’s Murder Club. They meet monthly at a different house to check out cold cases in the area, write, and relax. They soon discover the only thing more exciting than a good murder mystery book is an actual murder mystery.

If you like fast-paced mysteries with quirky characters, an inquisitive basset hound, and unexpected twists, you’re going to love the Mystery, She Wrote series.

Goodreads / Amazon

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Enjoy this peek inside:

Feeling much better about where she stood with Thorn as far as Thompson’s murder went, Jessica had the cop take her and Thorn back to her place to get her SUV. Upon hearing her enter the yard, Tracer, her beloved basset hound, came barreling out the dog door that had been incorporated into the back door.

Sudie followed close behind him, laughing. “He said you were back here, but I didn’t believe him. He always knows where his mama is.”

“Detective Thorn Wilder, this is my friend and housekeeper, Sudie. Sudie, meet Thorn.”

“Are you the one investigating what happened up at DeeDee’s place?”

“I am.”

“And you think Jessica had something to do with it? I wish Tracer was trained to attack; I’d have him bite you,” said Sudie.

“Not to worry,” said Jessica to Thorn. “The most Tracer would do is beat you to death with his tail or knock you down and drown you in drooly kisses. Other than that, he is completely harmless.”

“But that boy can track anything. If you need something followed, you get Jessica to lend you Tracer. He found a lost little girl last year. Everybody was so worried for her. By the time they caught up to him, he was bouncing and barking with her, and she was giggling away.”

“You trained your dog to track?” he said, kneeling down to offer his hand to Tracer to let him sniff it before giving him a tummy rub when the dog flipped over onto his back.

“It’s not hard with a basset. Their noses are the best in the business. They’re especially good at finding kids because they’re so non-threatening.”

Thorn stood up. “Are you saying that if we found some kind of scent item, we could use him to track something?”

“Not only that, you don’t have to have a scent item per se. If we let him sniff around that footprint, he’d probably be able to track where it went.”

“Good to know.”

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About Author Delta James:

As a USA Today bestselling romance author, Delta James aims to captivate readers with stories about complex,curvy heroines and the dominant alpha males who adore them. For Delta, romance is more than just a love story; it’s a journey with challenges and thrills along the way.

After creating a second chapter for herself that was dramatically different than the first, Delta now resides in Florida where she relaxes on warm summer evenings with her loveable pack of basset hounds as they watch the birds, squirrels and lizards. When not crafting fast-paced tales, she enjoys horseback riding, walks on the beach, and white-water rafting.

More about Delta, including a full list of her books and audiobooks, can be found at www.deltajames.com.

Her readers mean the world to her, and Delta tries to interact personally to as many messages as she can. If you’d like to chat or discuss books, you can find Delta on Instagram, Facebook, and in her private reader group https://www.facebook.com/groups/348982795738444.

If you’re looking for your next bingeable series, you can get a FREE story by joining her newsletter https://www.subscribepage.com/VIPlist22019.

Website / Goodreads / Facebook / Instagram

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Thanks so much for visiting fuonlyknew and Good Luck!

For a list of my reviews go HERE.

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To see all of my giveaways go HERE.

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Tentacle Tied

by Zeina Khalem

Genre: Erotic Short Story

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A cabin getaway gives one traveler more than she bargained for when she finds something lurking in the hot springs nearby…

This is an erotic 18+ mature short story featuring tentacles and sexual themes.

**Only .99cents!!**

Amazon * Apple * B&N * Author’s Site * Goodreads

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As I considered giving up on chasing that elusive peak, I noticed the tendrils of grass tangling around my ankles. I fluttered my legs to break free but they seemed to get tighter. The frustration broke through and I moved to sit up – except something tugged on my waist, keeping me anchored to where I sat.

I twisted around with a start only to feel the vines tighten around my calves and thighs, constricting my movements. Despite being just chest deep, being restrained underwater made me panic and I began to thrash. To my surprise, the tendrils emerged from the water with an undeniable will in their movement, as if they were limbs clinging to my own. I watched in shocked awe as the long, warm, thick appendages wrapped around my arms, while a thicker trunk tightened around my midsection.

 

I gave one last longing look at the spring, now rippling softly. Absently, I followed the ripples to a pair of dark eyes peeking from out of the water.

I gasped, tripped backward over a root, and scrambled to the tree line. Was I intoxicated again? Was it something in the air? A gas leak from a nearby mine? The eyes followed me but the figure did not move, its head poking out of the water up to the bridge of its nose.

The sound of my breath filled the clearing, hard and fast. Then it dawned on me that if this was a hallucination, a figment of my mind’s creation, then it couldn’t hurt me. Probably.

“Who… what are you?” I called across the clearing.

The creature emerged enough to speak over the water. “Rude.”

Though its voice was deep and quiet, I heard it as if from beside me – a deep, slow rumble that didn’t fill the clearing but vibrated through my body. I blinked. “Excuse me?”

“First, you wake me by rutting up against me. I was having the most remarkable dream before the interruption. Then, just as things get interesting, you run off like a frightened jackrabbit. Now, these rude questions. I have never understood you humans.”

“So you’re… not human.”

The creature stirred but I held my ground. It stepped closer, water trailing down its elongated chest and the curve of its belly before disappearing onto the surface of the pool. I swallowed hard. It stretched out its arm as if examining itself and leaned in a way that brought to mind a shrug. “I suppose I was human once.”

I stifled my next questions. What are you now? What made you this way?

“Is this your home?” I ventured instead, taking a step forward.

The creature stretched towards the banks of the spring. Its… their body was even longer than I realized, their torso ridged with muscles drawing my eyes down, lower until they were foiled by the reflection of the water. “I dwell here from time to time.”

I steeled myself and stepped forward again, balling my trembling hands into fists at my sides. Something deep and primal screamed at me to run, but a deeper curiosity compelled me forward still. The creature watched me without blinking, their facade as still as a stone. How many humans had they sucked in like this, to be consumed? Would I face ecstasy or oblivion if I kept going? Would it change a thing if I knew?

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What is something unique about you?

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I’m polyamorous, so that’s bound to make my idea of a happily ever after different than monogamous romances. Having practiced ethical non-monogamy for nearly a decade, being polyamorous isn’t this wild, strange thing to me. It’s just my life!

Just like any other relationship, sometimes my relationships can get hard. My partners and I have conflicts we must work through just like anyone else. But overall, I’d like to challenge the idea that non-monogamy must be inherently difficult. I’ve got an amazing polycule with partners and metamours whom I love. I wouldn’t want my life any other way.

So I try to reflect my polyamorous life in my works. Tentacle Tied is a short story and a bit of a dark romance, considering it involves, well, a monster. I won’t spoil anything, but I think the ending is purposefully open-ended in a way that reflects polyamory. For example, you may have a comet partner who only comes into town twice a year. You care for each other and set bounds and expectations for your relationship that work for both of you. Who wouldn’t want a sexy hot springs monster to visit whenever they need a good tangle?

What kind of world ruler would you be?

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In the deepest, darkest depths of my man-eating heart, I am the GIF of Galadriel proclaiming, “All shall love me and despair!” (Would I have turned down the ring and passed the test? Unclear!) Whose ego doesn’t wish to be adored and feared by all?

But I like writing about utopian societies – think Star Trek, not Middle Earth. A pansexual, socialist, post-scarcity, space-faring future sounds pretty rad to me, which is why I’m writing a sci-fi romance novel in that setting. The other alternative to this question would be me ruling the galaxy as a consciousness transferred into an all-powerful, algorithm-based AI that optimizes society. (Except, of course, such systems rarely work as intended.)

What can we expect from you in the future?

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I’m currently working on an anthology of sexy short stories titled Sexy Shorts! Two of the stories are free to read online on my website and I’ll be releasing more on my Patreon as I go.

The unofficial theme of the anthology is “On the Edge,” focusing on sexy situations that may happen barely outside of the public eye, falling just shy of exhibitionism. The two stories that are currently available to read are Up the Stairs and On the Beach.

I’m also working on a sci-fi romance novel set in a technologically advanced, post-scarcity future called Bound by Stardust that follows a mismatched Earther and Spacer through some galaxy-scorching adventures. Think Star Trek but significantly sexier, gayer, sluttier, and a little kinky to boot, with replicators, holodecks, and sexytimes in space!

Can you tell us a little bit about the characters in Tentacle Tied?

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Neither of the characters in Tentacle Tied has a name. I imagine the first-person narrator to be an independent, outdoorsy femme who has a long trail of well-worn hiking boots behind her and a camping setup ready in her trunk for her next weekend trip up the mountains. She’s not afraid to explore on her own, even into the woods where mysterious creatures may live. In other words, she’s not like me at all! (I’d be happy if I never camp again a day in my life.)

The tentacle monster, on the other hand, is a bit of a mystery. All the narrator knows is that the creature lives in a hot spring. You’ll have to read the story to learn more about them.

What did you enjoy most about writing this book?

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Tentacle erotica is a niche topic. I’ve actually never written this type of erotica before, but I really enjoyed being able to play within a new and unfamiliar set of scenarios and tropes.

I also really enjoyed diving into a character who’s neutral or ambiguous like the creature. The rules are different when you’re dealing with unfathomable monsters from the deep, you know?

Pen or typewriter or computer?

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My writing process involves a mix of handwriting and typing. I love handwriting first drafts because I get too obsessive with editing if I type. When I’m handwriting, I have to move forward because it’s a lot harder to edit while I write, especially if I’m working with pen and paper.

I also love the tactile feel of pen on paper, specifically extra fine sharpies. I have a couple dozen notebooks and legal pads filled with my scribbles. But eventually, I started handwriting on my tablet with a note-taking app. Even though the tactile feel isn’t the same on my tablet, I can organize all of my notes and drafts and keep working on them wherever and whenever I want.

I also enjoy handwriting first drafts because the act of transferring my handwritten draft into a typed document helps me do a first round of edits as I go!

What are you currently reading?

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I usually read romantic fiction, but recently I picked up a non-fiction book called The Art of Gathering, which considers why and how people gather.

I’ve always enjoyed hosting and organizing gatherings and events amongst friends. Whatever I know about hosting, I learned mostly from the women in my family – my mother, my aunt, and my grandmother. They gave me a solid foundation to build on, but The Art of Gathering goes deeper into the heart of what brings us together and how to best cater our gatherings to the kind of experiences we want them to be. The more I think about it, the more I realize just how pivotal gathering is to our lives – and the book delivers many gems of wisdom on the topic.

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Zeina lives in the wild west and marvels at the weather every day. She tries to avoid cliches but sometimes can’t resist. She likes pole dancing, drawing, and feminism.

Website * Facebook * Twitter * Instagram * Amazon * Goodreads

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Thanks so much for visiting fuonlyknew and Good Luck!

For a list of my reviews go HERE.

For a list of free eBooks updated daily go HERE

To see all of my giveaways go HERE.

 

 

A book for fiercely independent, misfit, square pegs trapped in an unfulfilling life who desire to Hatch a life worth loving…

 

 

Title: Hatch: A Change Your Life Guide
Author: Jamie Saloff
Publisher: Sent Books
Publication Date: June 25, 2023
Pages: 384
Genre: Self-Help/Motivational, Religion/Spirituality, Personal Growth/Personal Transformation



goodreads add to

 

If you could, how would you change your life?

While
bravely facing the motherlode of difficult life challenges, you never
dreamt the result would be a soul-sucking, heart-crushing existence.

Although
you try to ignore the emptiness, detachment, and feeling that you don’t
belong, you rarely make changes. It just seems too impossible for so
many reasons. Instead, you silenced your heart’s nagging with
self-sacrifice, food stuffing, or by becoming a workaholic.  

Contemplating
ending her life, Jamie Saloff chose instead to hatch a new one. She
knows how self-doubt and unworthiness can cloud our ability to move
forward after the darkness of illness, grief, trauma, or tragedy –
because she’s faced it too.    

In Hatch – A Change Your Life Guide, Saloff walks readers through her step-by-step method to:  

• Awaken your soul’s purpose by listening to your heart’s voice   

• Find confidence in your next forward step by hearing your body speak

•See messages of guidance everywhere by learning where to look    

• Uncover your future in your past by examining your ancestral heritage      

• And much, much more…  


“It’s a simple question “Do you wish you could change your life for the
better” while the answer is an easy one – do you have any idea of how
to accomplish the task? “Hatch – A Change Your Life Guide” gives you a
systematic process that will take you on a journey of physical,
emotional, and spiritual healing…I highly recommend this wonderful and
enlightening book”
– Yolanda Renee

Buy Links:

 

Book Excerpt  

As long as I can, remember—though I’m not sure why—I’ve been labeled a misfit—a square peg, a Goonie, an outcast (every generation seems to have its own word for this).

In kindergarten kids laughed at me saying I had a boy’s name. In elementary school, they said I hadn’t grown up with them, I wasn’t from there. Or maybe it was because even though I have never been outspoken, I decided I wouldn’t tolerate the bigoted French teacher and refused to go back to her class. The principle reprimanded me, called me “a quitter,” but I wasn’t swayed. I don’t think the kids (or the teacher) could quite understand that kind of rebellion from a ten-year-old.

Another time, the teacher ordered me into the hallway where she told me to repeat to the principal what I’d just told her. I explained my drawing of an aneurysm to him. (Due to cholesterol or other blockage in a vein, a balloon-like area forms expanding the side of the vein. If it would burst, my father would have 45 minutes to live.) My teacher didn’t approve of my mother sharing the details of my father’s illness with a child. The principal only shrugged.

In middle school, I argued with the principal that, due to a highly publicized paper shortage, it was stupid to waste it by writing punishment sentences hundreds of times. I ended up having to run around the gym in front of my class, which did very little for my already degraded social status, but it was a win for my cause.

If you’ve been in this position, you know there is no going back. Once you’re tagged as an outlier, that’s where you stay. As I entered high school, I wasn’t “the right fit” to be one of  the majorettes. They can give whatever reasons they liked, but I’m pretty sure none of them had 60 trophies attesting to their ability and, while they were marching up and down the muddy hometown football field, I performed all over the world, including for servicemen at Pearl Harbor, in the shadow of Scotland’s Edinburgh castle, and other cities across the US and Europe. As they continued buddying up with football players in their cliques, I was privileged to experience foreign cultures and see historic sites firsthand instead of reading about them in a text book.

When we are mistreated or outcast by someone, we may blame ourselves. We falsely wonder, “Am I ugly?” “Fat?” “Horrible?” and all sorts of self-degrading ideas. This self-blame can cause us to slip into isolation because we feel unliked or unloved.

Eventually, if you give yourself space, you learn that being a misfit is a good thing. It allows you to do things your way without others caring. You may discover you are a bit of a loner, and that’s okay. This is particularly true for creatives and those who have suffered for their uniqueness. Yet it is your uniqueness that can make you great.

It doesn’t matter what labels they put on you. You can’t change their actions. Instead, you must realize that deep down they know you’re somehow different in ways they can’t understand. Whether that means you become a target or are simply ignored, they know there is something special about you, more specifically, you’re not like them—you’re not like “everyone else.” And maybe that scares them a little because they’re afraid to step out of the crowd—and you’re not.

What they sense is that you carry traits offering you the potential to do great things, even if you don’t realize it or feel like it could ever be possible. As it turns out, some of the worst things that have happened in your past, particularly in your youth, formed the exact survival traits you need to succeed as you trod forward.1

Despite the obvious definitions of hatch, i.e., “hatching new life from an egg,” “an escape hatch,” or “hatching a plan,” for readers of this book “hatch” means all that and more. It means realizing that no matter what brought you to this point, you have options and choices available to you right now to help you to Hatch a new and better life, one worth loving. And it doesn’t matter if they mark  you as “an outcast,” “a misfit,” or whatever else they want to label you because once you “hatch” it will no longer matter.

Some of you are what I call the “Endurers.” You are still on the inside of the “egg” feeling trapped and not realizing there is a whole other, much better life waiting for you “out there.” (It’s hard to see through those thick-shelled walls.)

Others of you have potentially “hatched” but are now looking at all the broken pieces of your life. You may be feeling all “Humpty Dumpty” (who couldn’t put it all back together again) and are wondering, “what do I do now?”

This book is about how I found myself in those positions and hacked my way out with very little guidance or direction. With much angst, I began seeking my way as a young adolescent and continue to machete my way forward as a senior.

As you read on, in Phase One, you’ll learn how to listen to and follow the longings of your heart.

Scratch that. If you knew what your heart wanted and how to follow it, you wouldn’t be reading this book. You’d be doing it. Instead, in Phase One you’ll learn how to listen to your body groan and soul weep. I’ll show you how those nagging little aches and pains, illnesses, and even accidental injuries can be translated into Marvelous Messages™ that can help you plan your Hatch. (This is where I had my first real breakthrough in my life.)

In Phase Two, we will circle back to your heart and all it desires. I’ll teach you ways to identify what your heart’s aching for you to do and how it ties into your soul’s purpose. Now, having a clearer idea on what you really desire—(you have known it all along, you’ve simply silenced it)—you can now set goals and a plan to obtain it. We’ll take a “look back to leap forward” to understand how some of the challenges you face today are the result of inherited trials that were never properly resolved in the generations that came before you. Lucky you, it’s now your turn to see if you can make it right. But, you’ll also learn about the gifts implanted within your spiritual DNA to help you along in your soul’s journey.

In Phase Three, we will dig a little deeper. Having opened up the lines of inner communication, I’ll show you many ways to recognize and follow your intuition.

In Phase Four, we will talk about the hard stuff—those barriers holding you to where you are now and how to overcome them—fear, mistaken perceptions, and other beliefs that cloud your mind and prevent you from being the “you” you came here to be.

Lastly, in Phase Five, you’ll see how, once you open these doors to your body and soul, you not only are creating a new and better path for your life, you can create a better world. And that is a true transformation. Let’s begin…

 

 

 

 
About the Author
 

 

 

Jamie Linn Saloff
is passionate about aiding fiercely independent, misfit, square pegs
trapped in an unfulfilling life. Author, teacher, story weaver,
spiritual counselor, seer of visions, pathfinder, for over thirty years
Jamie’s taught how to reignite your heart by listening to your body
groan and your soul weep. She is the author of twelve books including Hatch: A Change Your Life Guide and her Marvelous Messages™ series.

Author Links  

Website | Facebook | Facebook Author Page | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | Amazon Profile

 

 

 

 

Sponsored By:

 

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Root of all Evil
by Liz Milliron
September 18 – 29, 2023 Virtual Book Tour

 

 

Synopsis:

Rumors of a meth operation in rustic Fayette County catch the attention of Pennsylvania State Trooper Jim Duncan. When he learns that Aaron Trafford, a man who recently dodged a drug conviction, has returned to the county, the conclusion seems obvious. Trafford has set up a new operation. Meanwhile, assistant public defender Sally Castle’s colleague, Colin Rafferty, has become uncharacteristically nervous and secretive. Her suspicion that he’s hiding something serious is confirmed when she learns of a threatening visitor and discovers a note on his desk stating, “You’d better fix this” Colin’s subsequent murder is the first frayed thread in a complex web of deceit. Jim fears Sally’s stubborn determination to get justice for her friend will put her in a killer’s crosshairs, but Sally won’t rest until she finds answers–even if it costs her everything.

Get wrapped up in the thrilling world of Liz Milliron’s Laurel Highlands Mystery series! From the captivating Root of all Evil to the latest release, Thicker Than Water, this gripping series is a must-read for any mystery lover. Don’t wait, grab your copy today!
Praise for Root of all Evil:

“With a compelling plot, engaging concept and characters worth cheering for, Root of all Evil will keep you rooted to your seat.” ~ Kathy Valenti, Agatha-nominated author of the Magging O’Malley mysteries “Big city crime encroaches on the lush backdrop of Pennsylvania’s rustic Laurel Highlands in this tense and gritty debut. Liz Milliron has crafted a tightly written, heart-pounding tale of suspense that will keep you on the edge of your seat from page one until its explosive conclusion.” ~ Annette Dashofy, USA Today bestselling author of the Zoe Chambers Mystery Series “Lawyers, guns and money; Root of all Evil is a true page-turner.” ~ Bruce Robert Coffin, bestselling author of the Detective Byron MysteriesRoot of all Evil is a gripping read! Sally Castle and Jim Duncan are complex characters with genuine depth, and the pacing is impeccable. Tensions on multiple levels will keep you turning the pages of this riveting police procedural.” ~ Cynthia Kuhn, author of the Agatha-winning Lila Maclean Academic Mysteries “Fast-paced, authentic and compelling – this tightly written procedural is action-packed and full of heart. Milliron definitely knows her stuff – what a wonderful new voice in crime fiction!” ~ Hank Phillipi Ryan, nationally best-selling author of Trust Me

 

Book Details:

Genre: Mystery – Police Procedural

Published by: Level Best Books Publication Date: August 14, 2018 Number of Pages: 301 ISBN: 9781947915053 (ISBN10: 1947915053) Series: Laurel Highlands Mystery (#1)

Book Links: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | BookShop.org | Goodreads | Level Best Books

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Enjoy this peek inside:

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Sally Castle studied the menu for a moment, then put it down. “I’ll try the Fero lemberger and a tower of onion rings, please.” She looked across the table at Colin Rafferty, her colleague from the public defender’s office. The usual crowd at Lucky 7, men and women in varying levels of business and business-casual clothing, milled around their table. “Split them with me?” “Sure. A bottle of Miller Lite for me.” He slid the beer list back in the holder. “Miller Lite?” Sally asked as the waitress jotted down their order and walked off. “How long have you worked in Fayette County again?” Colin shrugged. “Almost two years and I know. You have some great local brews. I’m not a beer connoisseur.” He fiddled with the position of the salt and pepper shakers. Had it been that long? “Anything new this week?” she asked, leaning on the table, the dark brown wood reflecting the muted overhead lighting. He pushed away the cut-glass shakers. “Got assigned a new case today. De’Shawn Thomas, misdemeanor possession. This will be the third time I’ve been in court with him for the same damn charge. What the hell is the point?” He averted his gaze, studying Uniontown’s well-dressed business-class, all relaxing at the end of a hard week. Sally remembered the young hotshot who’d arrived believing public defense was rock bottom. Their regular end-of-week outings were part of trying to change that. Sometimes she thought she was getting somewhere. Other times, like now, maybe not. “Colin, I know it’s frustrating. But say you were in a high-priced private practice. Is defending someone’s trust-fund kid from his third DUI in six months any different?” “No.” The waitress reappeared with the beer and a glass of red wine. Colin took his bottle. “Red wine with onion rings?” Sally sipped the wine, which had a unique aftertaste: a hint of oak and a slight peppery kick. The menu said it was good with grilled meats and she could taste why. “Sure.” It would go great with the classic bar finger-food. They killed five minutes with small talk about their work until the waitress returned with the appetizer. Sally leaned forward to inhale the delicious sweet smell from the tower of fried snacks, then picked one off the top. “Got any big weekend plans?” she asked before biting into it. Sweet, salty, slightly greasy, and a burst of flavor from the herb seasoning in the crust. Yes, perfect with her wine. He tore apart an onion ring and popped half in his mouth. “There’s a film noir festival tomorrow. The Killers. D.O.A. Might go to that.” “Film noir. One of my faves.” “Well, you’re welcome to join me.” He finished off the other half of the onion ring, wiped his fingers, and took another swallow of beer. “Then it’s my mother’s sixty-fifth birthday on Sunday. After the year she’s had, we’re doing it up big.” “How is your mom?” “Good. Three months out, the doc is still happy with her numbers. The big thrill for her? Her hair is back.” Sally pointed at him. “Hair is important. Unlike men, women rarely look good bald. It’s terribly unfair.” “I’ll take your word for it. Anyway, the party should end soon enough to get home to watch the Steelers game.” She rolled her eyes and took a second onion ring. “You and your football.” “Hey, I may not care much about the beer, but I do love the sports.” The door opened, letting in a breeze that sent the pile of napkins on their table to the floor. Sally leaned over to pick them up. Above her, she heard Colin mutter and it sounded a lot like profanity. She sat up with the napkins and brushed hair from her forehead. Colin’s lighthearted expression had evaporated. He rearranged the standup cards listing available desserts and beers, trying to obscure his face. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “Bullshit.” He ducked his head, his chest almost flat to the table. “A guy I don’t want to see just walked in.” Sally craned her neck as she looked toward the door, but even the height of the bar-style chair didn’t allow her to see well over the crowd. She lifted herself up. “Get down!” Colin hissed, pulling at her sleeve. “What the hell?” She dropped back into her chair, still not seeing anyone who would upset her colleague this much. “Who is it?” His gaze darted around the room. He took a hurried gulp of beer and stood. “Never mind. I have to go to the men’s room. Be right back.” He headed toward the restrooms, snaking his way through the crowd, bending frequently to make sure he was behind other people, and keeping out of sight of the door. Once again, Sally tried to see through the crowd, but no one caught her eye. Who had walked in who would upset Colin so much? Jim Duncan took his bottle of Black Magick imperial stout and thanked the bartender. Why had he agreed to meet Zelinsky here? The bar, popular with the downtown Uniontown business scene, was way too crowded. He should have insisted on a quieter place to catch up with his fellow Pennsylvania State Trooper. Someplace where he could sit, get a bite to eat, and get Zelinsky’s impression of his new trainee. As Duncan scanned the crowd for Zelinsky, his gaze lit on another person. Sally Castle, sitting all by herself. Maybe this was a good place after all. Zelinsky could wait a few minutes. Duncan took a circuitous route to Sally’s table and came up beside her. “Only you would pair red wine and onion rings.” She started, but relaxed when she recognized him. “Red wine goes with anything, I’ve told you this before.” She lifted her glass and winked. A good sign. “You here by yourself?” “No.” She pointed at the empty chair and a Miller Lite bottle. “After work drinks with a friend.” “Your friend likes Miller Lite?” Clearly a friend without good taste. She suppressed a laugh. “Colin isn’t a beer snob, Jim. Not everyone has your discerning palate.” “Colin.” Sally was here with another guy. A bad sign. “Colin Rafferty. We work together.” She grinned. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were jealous.” A man in a dark blue suit edged behind Jim. “Sally, we’ve been friends how long?” “A year or so.” “You have other friends. Some of them are men. I wasn’t jealous of what’s-his-name, the baseball trainer.” She brushed hair from her face. “Anyway, why are you here? This isn’t your scene, all the suits.” “I’m on training duty for a new trooper. It’s her second month. I want to talk to the previous FTO, get her impressions.” Sally took a bite of onion ring. “Is there a problem?” “No. I don’t like to let what happened before color my opinion, but I feel like I’m having a hard time connecting with Aislyn McAllister. That’s the trainee’s name. Thus far, she’s not very talkative. Hasn’t shared anything besides the fact she’s from Natrona Heights in the two shifts we’ve worked so far. I hope it’s not me.” “I’m quite sure it’s not you. You’re one of the nice guys.” He lifted his beer in thanks. “It’s a point of pride. I can count on one hand the number of folks I’ve had to fail out of training.” The Black Magick was excellent, bourbon flavor with chocolate notes. “By the way, I’m working first shift tomorrow. Supposed to be a great day if you’d like to go out on the reservoir with Rizzo and me.” Rizzo, his golden retriever, loved Sally. The weather forecast was calling for a perfect fall day: blue skies, mild temperatures, fluffy clouds. The water would be filled with boaters trying to cram in as much outdoor time as possible before the winter snows froze everything solid. “I might be meeting Colin for a film noir festival.” She took in his expression and a smile spread across her face. “Ah ha! You are jealous.” Duncan had a horrible track record with women. Just ask his ex. However, after a year of friendship, maybe this was Sally’s way of telling him she was sick of waiting for him to make a move. “Do you want me to be?” He studied her face. Sally flushed and turned her attention back to her food. Okay, maybe not. He paused. “You come here a lot?” With the friend who drinks Miller Lite? “Every Friday. I’ve been mentoring Colin this last year and it’s part of our ritual.” She tore a piece of onion ring off the stand on the table. “Speaking of Colin, where the hell is he?” Ah, she was mentoring. He should have known Sally wouldn’t date a man who made such horrible choices in beer. Duncan looked around, even though he had zero idea what this guy looked like. Everybody was paired up, chatting, and snacking after a hard week’s work. “He said he was going to the men’s room. I didn’t think guys took that long.” “Not usually.” Duncan set his beer on the table. He stood and stretched to his full six-foot-three so he could see over the crowd. “Caucasian, early thirties, white shirt, dark suit, gold tie?” “That’s Colin. You see him?” “Yeah, he’s by the restrooms. Looks like he’s arguing with someone.” Duncan dropped back down, the crowd of people blocking his view. Sally’s eyebrows puckered. “Who’s he arguing with? Can you tell?” Duncan took a pull from his beer. “A guy in a suit. He had his back to me. Hold on.” He stretched up again, pushing up on the table to try for a bit more height, and looked in the direction of the restroom. Rafferty was nowhere in sight. *** Excerpt from Root of all Evil by Liz Milliron. Copyright 2018 by Liz Milliron. Reproduced with permission from Liz Milliron. All rights reserved.

 

 

Author Liz Milliron:

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Liz Milliron

A recovering technical writer, Liz Milliron is the author of The Laurel Highlands Mysteries, set in the scenic Laurel Highlands and The Homefront Mysteries, set in Buffalo NY during the early years of World War II. She is a member of Pennwriters, Sisters in Crime, International Thriller Writers and The Historical Novel Society. She is the current vice-president of the Pittsburgh chapter of Sisters in Crime and is on the National Board as the Education Liaison. Liz splits her time between Pittsburgh and the Laurel Highlands, where she lives with her husband and a very spoiled retired-racer greyhound.

Catch Up With Our Author: LizMilliron.com Goodreads BookBub – @mary1414 Instagram – @LizMilliron Twitter/X – @LizMilliron Facebook – @LizMilliron

 

 

Tour Participants:

Visit these other great hosts on this tour for more great reviews and opportunities to WIN in the giveaway!  

 

Join In For a Chance to WIN!

This is a giveaway hosted by Partners in Crime Tours for Liz Milliron. See the widget for entry terms and conditions. Void where prohibited.
 

 

 

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For a list of my reviews go HERE.

For a list of free eBooks updated daily go HERE

To see all of my giveaways go HERE.

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Welcome to my stop on the virtual book tour for Voices Of Cancer organized by Goddess Fish Promotions.

Author Lynda Wolters will be awarding a $25 Amazon or B&N Gift Card to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour. Don’t forget to enter!

And you can click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.

Voices Of Cancer

by Lynda Wolters

 

 

Genre: Non-Fiction

Synopsis

“I don’t know what to say” and “I don’t know what to do” are common responses to a life-threatening diagnosis. Voices of Cancer is here to help.

Every cancer story is different, but there is one commonality: both patients and the people supporting them often struggle to properly articulate their wants and needs through particularly challenging and in many cases, uncharted territory. Lynda Wolters knows firsthand: she was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal mantle cell lymphoma in August of 2016.

Voices of Cancer offers a candid look into the world of a cancer patient, informed by Lynda’s own story and conversations had with dozens of patients weighing in on their needs, wants, and dislikes as they navigate the complex world of diagnosis, treatment, and beyond. With comprehensive and accessible insight from people who’ve been there, Voices of Cancer helps educate, dispel fears, and start positive conversations about what a cancer diagnosis truly means, while shining a light on how best to support a loved one on their own terms.

Check out this peek inside:

Tip 1: A good way to get involved is to find out when a patient is going to an appointment or having treatment and then be there for them. I do that with my cancer friends, and they are always genuinely happy to see me, even if I am only there to share a hug. It is surprising how a five-minute visit can carry a patient through an otherwise long, lonely day.

Tip 2: Setting up a meal delivery chain through mutual friends is a great way to be present and available to the patient and their family.

Tip 3: Checking to make sure the patient has adequate transportation to and from appointments is very useful because, most times, we patients either do not feel up to driving or are unable to drive after receiving treatment.

Tip 4: It is also helpful to have someone clean the house, even if that only means the bathroom and the kitchen. My husband did his best to do it all: work, cook, take care of me, clean. But, oh, what I would have given for a hand in this area, as I felt a lot of guilt by not being able to keep up my own house for a year.

Tip 5: Leading on from the previous tip, another way to provide support is to keep the patient’s caregiver in mind. That person has the weight of the world on their shoulders with all the added responsibilities. And don’t think the patient doesn’t realize this, which in turn adds unhealthy stress to the situation. The sense of guilt that comes with this can at times be overwhelming to the patient. Consider taking the caregiver out for a much-needed cup of coffee or meal, or perhaps sit with the patient so the caregiver can go for a solo walk or on an outing with friends. If the caregiver is running on empty, everyone feels it, so being present and available to the caregiver is a huge help to the patient. Whatever you do, we do love you for trying: anything is better than nothing. It is on the patient to educate friends and family as much as it is on the non-patient to be sensitive to the irritating little sayings that seem so harmless. Bottom line: most patients would prefer a well-meaning gesture, such as a meal or a visit, to an empty cliché that is better left on a T-shirt or a charity wristband.

About Author Lynda Wolters:

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Lynda was born and raised in a tiny farming community of 400 in northern Idaho. She worked on the family farm, with her first job being picking rocks out of the fields and ultimately graduating up the ladder to driving a grain truck and combine during harvest. Following high school, Lynda continued her education in Las Vegas before she moved back home to Idaho to raise her three sons.

Lynda still resides in Idaho with her husband and their peekapoo, Max.

Lynda has worked in the legal field for 30+ years and enjoys ballroom and swing dancing, horseback riding, kayaking, and river rafting. She has a heart for people and enjoys regularly volunteering. She spends the bulk of her spare time reading and writing.

Lynda was diagnosed with terminal stage 4 Mantle Cell Lymphoma (MCL) in August 2016. She touts herself as being a thriving warrior of the disease.

Lynda has completed two books of nonfiction: Voices of Cancer, released in October 2019, and Voices of LGBTQ+, released in August 2020.

The Placeholder, Lynda’s debut novel, was released in November 2022.

Lynda has published the following articles: Navigating the Workplace with Chemo Brain, February 23, 2020, Elephants and Tea. and When Masks Weren’t Popular, March 24, 2020, Patient Power. She has spoken on several podcasts, been a guest on a local talk show regarding Voices of Cancer, and given interviews for other outlets and print.

Jane Brody wrote up Voices of Cancer in the New York Times, her article entitled What to Say to Someone with Cancer, on January 13, 2020, with a follow-up on January 20, 2020, entitled, When Life Throws You a Curveball, Embrace the New Normal.

The Chinese translation rights of Voices of Cancer have been purchased by a grant to offer the book to medical students in Tawain.

Lynda donates Voices of Cancer books and a portion of its proceeds to Epic Experience, a nonprofit camp for adult survivors and thrivers of cancer located in Colorado.

Author Links: Website / Facebook / Facebook Page / Instagram / Twitter

Amazon links: Kindle / Hard Copy / Audible

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Welcome to my stop on the virtual book tour for Happiness Mountain organized by Goddess Fish Promotions.

Author Amal Indi will be awarding a $10 Amazon or B/N GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour. Don’t forget to enter.

And you can click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.

Happiness Mountain

by Amal Indi

 

 

Genre: Self-Help / Non-Fiction

Synopsis

Happiness is the most important experience that we as human beings seek throughout our entire lives. Yet there is no one clear definition of happiness in the world today.

How, then, can we expect to be happy to our fullest if we do not know what happiness is?

Everyone has happy moments in life. Suppose you are awake sixteen hours a day after eight hours of sleep—how much time are you truly happy in these sixteen hours?
If you are happy only 20 percent of your day, you will not feel truly happy in life.
If you are happy 50 percent of your day, you will feel like you have an OK life.
If you are happy 60 percent or above, you are living a happy life.
If you are happy 80 percent and above, you’re living a phenomenally happy life.
What if you could change the times that you are not happy to happy moments?

If you want to get better at something, you must study and become proficient in that subject. You do not know what you are missing if you do not learn. The same principle applies to happiness. If you want to be happier, study what happiness is. If happiness is important to you, master it.

By knowing happiness, you can consciously live a happier life. You can minimize the external factors impacting your happiness. You can get happiness under your control.

Irrespective of where you are in life today, by reading this book and following the happiness definition, philosophy, and methodology, you or anyone can live a happier life.

Read an Excerpt

Living with a higher vibration is a blessing. You feel inner peace. You are resilient to what is happening around you, especially since the world is attracting a lot of negative energies. You must protect your inner peace with your higher vibration. You can only be at your higher vibration with your Higher Self. You can activate your Higher Self by establishing:

Higher Self beliefs
Higher Self values
Higher Self purpose

Oftentimes people do not have clarity of their beliefs, values, and purposes for happiness, which causes their Lower Self to take control of their life. Let’s change that for you. Let set up a great set of beliefs, values, and purposes for Inner Happiness. You can always add more or make some adjustments. Please note that these are not religious beliefs, and they are not intended to conflict with any religious, cultural, or political views. These beliefs, values, and purposes are purely defined for your happiness and wellbeing.

Higher Self Beliefs

The following are nine Inner Happiness beliefs will take you to your higher vibration. You have to believe in them and then practice them.

1. Take care of your mind and body first.
2. Objectively experience life’s duality.
3. Accept impermanence.
4. Be in service to others.
5. Be yourself, be authentic.
6. Surround yourself with quality people.
7. Stop energy drops and create.
8. Maintain a higher consciousness with mindfulness.
9. Believe in yourself and your higher power.

This chapter will give you foundational knowledge. Then you need to apply your new knowledge to your day-to-day life. After practice, these become new patterns in your mind, and you can enjoy Inner Happiness for your whole life.

About Author Amal Indi:

With over 20 years of experience working for financial institutions as a Solutions Architect, Amal set out on a mission to find true happiness. After researching happiness for many years, he is ready to share a definition, philosophy, and methodology for happiness so that anyone can follow and find true happiness with inner peace, joy, and fulfillment. He has written an incredible book called “Happiness Mountain – Make every experience a happy experience”. Amal is also a father of two kids and lives in beautiful Vancouver, Canada. Amal’s mission is to heal the world and allow everyone to enjoy true happiness.

Find out more on Amazon

Or visit: Website / LinkedIn / FacebookSpreaker / Instagram

 

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Smash, Smash, Smash: The True Story of Kai the Hitchhiker by Philip Fairbanks Banner

Smash, Smash, Smash:
The True Story of Kai the Hitchhiker
by Philip Fairbanks
August 7 – September 1, 2023 Virtual Book Tour

 

 

Synopsis:
“That woman was in danger, so I ran up behind him with a hatchet… Smash, smash, SUH-MASH!!!”

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Millions of people heard these words and shared the viral video with their friends. This mysterious surfing hitchhiker then vanished as quickly as he appeared, only to reappear on many late night talk shows and fan videos. But 3 months later, he was arrested and charged with killing a prominent New Jersey lawyer… in self defense against a sex assault. Who is this mysterious hitchhiker? What was with that lawyer who drugged and assaulted him? Why would the investigators destroy evidence, tamper with witnesses, and shut the public out of the trial? For almost a decade, the public was kept in the dark: until investigative journalist Philip Fairbanks searched for the truth in mountains of government records, witness statements, and hard evidence. At long last, he found the answers to these burning, aching questions… And they will surprise you.

Praise for Smash, Smash, Smash: The True Story of Kai the Hitchhiker:

“Phil is not the kind of journalist who files a story and gets on with his life. That passion and integrity shine through in this book, and generally in the way Phil makes you care about the people he’s covering…. When I read this book, as with so many things Phil has written, I feel that I am in good hands, being carefully guided to the truth.” ~ Alissa Fleck (Newsweek, SF Gate, Houston Chronicle) “In his latest book, Philip Fairbanks wields a wealth of laboriously earned evidence and detail, the product of five years of research, to tell a harrowing and heartbreaking tale nobody (until him) deemed worthy of telling, and some would rather remain untold…. In his characteristically engaging style and with a dexterous balance of compassion, curiosity, and analysis, the author walks the reader through a hellish nightmare; one that Kai was born into and in which he continues to exist.” ~ Wendy Painting, PhD (Author, Aberration in the Heartland of the Real: The Secret Lives of Timothy McVeigh)

 

Book Details:

Genre: True Crime

Published by: Is It Wet Yet Press Publication Date: February 2023 Number of Pages: 456 ISBN: 9781959947998 (ISBN10: 1959947990)

Book Links: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | BookShop.org | Goodreads

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MY REVIEW

I enjoy true crime books and watch a lot of documentaries about it. When given an opportunity to read this book I was immediately curious. I’d not heard of Kai The Hitchhiker and wanted to know the who, what and why about him and his crime. So, I googled and ended up on Youtube. And didn’t come up for air for quite some time.

I was sucked in right from the beginning, entirely focused as I read the Dedication, the Forward, the Introduction, the Author’s Note and then the first chapter. The synopsis tells you some of what the book is about. The author tells it all, making sure not to color it with his own opinions. From instant media star to standing trial for murder, Author Philip Fairbanks gives you the facts about Kai.

Talk about feeling all the feels. I felt curious, sickened, saddened, resigned, frustrated and outraged. If you read this book, and I hope you do, keep an open mind, read every page, even the hundred plus pages of the endnotes, and see what you think.

5 STARS

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Read an excerpt:
AUTHOR’S NOTE
It’s been about five years since my first article about Caleb McGillivary was published in The Inquisitr. Not long after that, I conducted a series of telephone interviews. I was taken aback by how implausible the inherent corruption was: evident in multiple conflicts of interest; and an apparent cover-up during the investigation, that was allowed to go practically unchallenged from the prosecutor’s mouth to the media. All that ugliness nakedly on display surely should have attracted a frenzy of media interest. Over the years, a sickening realization came to mind. As far as reporters covering the case, I seem to be one of the “experts” if not “an authority.” Certainly, one of the few, if not only, journalists who took the time to check Kai’s claims and allegations against the evidence at hand. It might be kind of nice being a leading authority on some benign subject. Rare arthropods, maybe? I could dig being a foremost authority on some obscure Flemish Renaissance-era painter’s oeuvre, for sure. The gravity of the situation can be almost overwhelming, though, when your expertise is on a subject about which a human life hangs in the balance. So, you can imagine my mixed feelings when a production company known for prestige projects approached me with the idea of using some of my work in a film for one of the “Big 3” streaming companies. I was flattered, of course. Probably the first in a wave of emotions to come up. The thought that Kai’s words, from calls I’d recorded, might achieve a bit of immortality. Even better, the prospect that the film could make a difference. Something like The Thin Blue Line, one of the most important and influential works in the entirety of the corpus of “True Crime.” Like Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood, it is a work that somehow manages to both define and transcend the boundaries of “True Crime.” After a few rounds of emails, a call was set up. Everyone I had dealt with was pleasant and nice, but I couldn’t shake the feeling I was being purposefully put at ease. For what reasons I couldn’t tell. Hell, I couldn’t even tell if I was just being paranoid because of my close connection to the story. Admittedly compounded by the investment of time, work, and emotional energy I’d put into it for some years. They understood that I might be quite attached to the story (specifically to the “materials” they wished me to license for their use). And of course, the more I thought about it, the more worried I was about the misrepresentation of my work or Kai himself and the case. And to be honest, attached is not the right word for this case, or for another case I’ve been working on for the past few years. The second involved a decades- long running fraud ring connected to multiple murders. I finally managed to get some interest from journalist Alissa Fleck (Newsweek, SF Gate, Houston Chronicle, Huffington Post, Adweek, and others). Apart from her, I’d struggled to get any other reporters or outlets to even take a look. That or being ghosted after some initial interest is shown. The situation is similar to the work of Justine Barron, another noteworthy journalist who pursues cases wherever they lead. Whether or not the major papers are interested in doing due diligence themselves. For whatever reason, there are incredibly important stories that are suppressed, sometimes for years. Just look at how Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, Peter Nygard, and others managed to float along all those years. With Kai’s case and that of the Texas-based Ponzi ring, I’ve spent years researching and tracking down the truth. In the hopes of holding it to the light. I also got to know the living, breathing humans that exist at the other end of the story. Many of my biggest stories are the smallest ones. For me, success is exposing some injustice or imbalance. Some wrong to be righted. For instance, the honor student nearly expelled over doctor-recommended CBD oil being mistaken for THC oil by an ignorant school administration. The case of a young man selling the herbal plant medicine kratom in Tennessee. A story I covered that would be a turning point in the war for kratom legality in the state. Shortly after the case, the attorney general expressed a formal opinion that the plant was not included in a blanket synthetic drug ban. The couple arrested with kratom in their car. Initially charged with distributing heroin. Their life and small business thrown into disarray as a result. These are stories no one else was telling, or at least not in totality. In each of those above cases, an eventual positive outcome would be achieved. Even if the only thing I was able to do was to provide some hope to victims of outrageous fortune. To make sure their stories were heard. The result was something I could—and do— take seriously. Something I take pride in. It’s rewarding to have achieved success (by Emerson’s standards anyway) by having made someone breathe a little easier, having made their life a little less hard for the day. In Kai’s case, the stakes are too high. Not to mention the evidence of corruption is so ample and readily available to just leave it be. So yes, I suppose that at the very least you could say I was a little “attached” to the story. In my first email back to the production company, I pointed out that I was the sole, or nearly only, source of several salient points of information about the case. That these claims were backed up by evidence released in discovery: crime scene photos, investigative notes, and interviews. They too had read the entirety of the available transcripts, they told me. However, they warned me, that they wouldn’t be “focusing” on the trial or the investigation. That would be a totally different documentary, they said. My dream of an Errol Morris-style hit film freeing an innocent man were, if not dashed at this point, precariously hanging by a thread like a loose tooth spinning, barely affixed to the gum. So here it was. My Catch-22. My very own Faustian bargain. And though it has been quite a while since I’ve read Goethe, I almost certainly recall there being no section on freeing one’s soul from the grips of Mephistopheles come in the guise of a documentary materials release form. I knew I had no place to tell them what should or should not be in the documentary. That would be, not only in bad taste but a violation of journalistic ethics on my part. That said, I made it clear I would gladly sign over usage rights if they could make sure to include at least a handful of those major facts that point to the cover-up and, dare I say it, yes, a conspiracy that had taken place. It was then made plain and simple to me. The best possible way to get that information, Kai’s side of the story, on the books for them would be to let him speak. Kai had declined involvement with the documentary before they spoke to me, however, and they only used people “directly related” to stories in their documentaries which counted me out. As it turns out, my fears of potentially making a deal with the devil were unfounded. A producer at the company informed me just as they were going into post-production that they were using other material “to lay out Kai’s defense.” Despite my precautions and concerns, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed after hoping that a tangential connection to a major documentary and my name in the credits might help me get this story the attention it deserves. No worries, though. The interviews that were licensed for and would have appeared in the documentary were transcribed and will be available online. Links to the recordings on YouTube will be there as well as links to all relevant files, court documents, crime scene photos, and more both in cloud storage and at bit.ly/kaidocs and philfairbanks.com. Kai is at the center of the book, but at the same time the book is about how his case is just one of many examples. That’s the scary part. If his case was some crazy exception that’d be awful still; but what’s so chilling is we know about this case only because he was mistaken for someone who wasn’t well known. Galfy wanted a vagrant, somebody who could be used and discarded, someone with no ties; he chose wrong but even so, they were able to do this. Now imagine if you don’t have worldwide press coverage of your story.

TWO FATEFUL RIDES

It was a chilly but humid day in Fresno, February 1st, 2013.1 Between the time the frigid, overcast skies broke with sunlight until the day would turn to cold, foggy night several lives would be forever changed. It was the day that Jett Simmons McBride picked up a young “home free” hitchhiker. It was the day that Rayshawn Neely would be nearly crippled. And it was the day that Caleb McGillivary, better known as “Kai the Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker” would become a folk hero to millions across the world. Kai earned his “hatchet-wielding hitchhiker” moniker during that first ride that brought him to the attention of the internet at large. Kai had been picked up by Jett Simmons McBride, a 6-foot-4, nearly 300-pound, 54-yearold man who boasted to Kai about raping a 14-year-old girl in the Virgin Islands just before the chaos he would unleash on that fateful Fresno day. McBride also loudly bragged that he was, in fact, Jesus Christ reincarnated. * Kai’s legal name is Caleb McGillivary, but some court documents and newspaper stories have his name improperly listed as “McGillvary.” As a result, he reasoned, he could do anything he wanted. As if to prove his point, he took a sharp turn towards some Pacific Gas & Electric employees doing roadwork outside. “He’s like, well I’ve come to realize I’m Jesus Christ and I can get away with anything I want to. Watch this, and there’s a whole crew of construction people in front of me and most of them jumped aside and one pinned underneath,” Kai explained in the interview that initially made him a star. “He said ‘I am God. I am Jesus. I was sent here to take all the [racial slurs] to heaven,’” Nick Starkey, one of the PG&E workers on the scene claimed. Neely said he never heard the racial slurs, but something about being the victim of attempted vehicular homicide tends to do a number on one’s memory and focus. McBride pinned Rayshawn Neely against a vehicle at which point, Kai jumped out to help. McBride also attacked a woman on the scene. Kai shared in his memorable interview how he feared McBride might seriously harm her if he didn’t spring into action. The woman on the scene confirmed that Kai had indeed saved her. As Kai put it, without his fortunate appearance at the scene there would have been “hella lot more bodies.” With Rayshawn dangerously pinned by McBride’s vehicle, Tanya Baker, who was at the scene attempted to help him. At this point, McBride turned on her as well.8 “Like a guy that big can snap a woman’s neck like a pencil stick,” Kai explained why he sprung into action. “So I fucking ran up behind him with a hatchet—smash, smash, suh-mash!” The interview with Jessob Reisbeck made an instant star out of Kai. Something about the heroic encounter, Kai’s character, and his message of redemption resonated within the public consciousness. “Before I say anything else, I want to say no matter what you’ve done, you deserve respect, even if you make mistakes. You’re lovable and it doesn’t matter your looks, skills, or age, or size or anything. You’re worthwhile… no one can take that away from you.” February 7, 2013, Jessob Reisbeck caught back up with who he described as a “world-class hero.” Reisbeck, who continues to keep in touch with Kai “found him after 5 or 6 days” to conduct a follow-up interview. Kai’s cheeky humor shined through with portions sounding like an Abbott and Costello bit: “What have you been up to since?” “About 6 foot,” Kai replied. He also admitted he didn’t like the idea of a “stereotypical normal life.” That meant, in part, no 9 to 5 job or smartphone to weigh him down. “Are you aware what you’ve become?” Reisbeck asked. “I’ve seen it.” As for his thoughts on the outpouring of support from all over the country even worldwide, Kai’s response was simply: “Shock and awe.” Asked if he was happy about the exciting new world he’d accidentally entered, his reply was simply, “I’d prefer if I was American, but yeah.” Jessob asked if there was anything else Kai would like to say to “all of your fans right now, because you do have them around the world.” Kai spurned the hero worship. Instead, he offered another simple, heartfelt message to the many who idolized him since the selfless act. “I do not own you, I do not have you, please do not be obsessed. Thank you, love, respect, I value you.” Within 48 hours of the KMPH interview being released and subsequently going viral, Kai was a household name earning accolades and mentions in media worldwide. Philadelphia magazine called Kai “the hero millennials need” in a February 8th article from 2013. In the next few days, his star would continue to rise as he was featured in Autotune the News. Kai also released a cover of the song “Wagon Wheel.” An IndieGogo page was also set up to get him a new surfboard. The Philly magazine piece marks Kai as emblematic of the millennial generation, especially following the economic upheaval of the 2008 housing bubble which resulted in severe inflation, higher cost of living, and a recession we still haven’t truly escaped. Just under three weeks out, Kai had his first day in court, perhaps foreshadowing what was to come in just about three months. He had just appeared on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” and would now be stealing the show during the preliminary hearing against Jett McBride. Despite some of the urban myths surrounding this story, Kai did not kill McBride. McBride had told his wife that Kai was the “coolest son-of-a-bitch” he had ever met. Even expressing a desire to “adopt” the home free hitchhiker. And spurious claims that Kai may have made up the story of underage rape in the Virgin Islands were refuted by McBride himself admitting the act to police on the scene. Kai’s court appearance inspired laughter and spawned headlines further cementing his place as a beloved character to so many. But by the time Jett Simmons McBride was tried in California, Kai was unable to appear. The lack of one of the primary witnesses in attendance likely altered the disposition of the case according to Scott Baly, McBride’s defense attorney. By January 2014, McBride was found guilty on some, but not all charges. The most serious charges, that of attempted murder, would not go through and even the charges he was found guilty of only resulted in psychiatric confinement for a maximum of 9 years. He was sent up to the famous Atascadero State Hospital rather than prison. Atascadero had been home for a time to the likes of serial killers like Tex Watson, Ed Kemper, and Roy Norris among others. “I won’t say whether it hurt or helped, it affected everything,” Baly told the press. Admitting that he had hoped for acquittal on all charges. “I think there’s mixed emotions for all of us. I mean certainly, I think the moment not guilty on count one was read there was relief; it was followed shortly by a guilty reading on count two and count three so there’s a different feeling on those charges.” What we can tell for certain, however, is that if not stopped McBride would have almost certainly wreaked far more havoc. According to the case text of the McBride court proceedings, Jett Simmons McBride was laboring under the delusion that he had uncovered a secret terrorist plot that would target the Super Bowl. At this point, Jett McBride packed his bags to head down to New Orleans for the Super Bowl where he was convinced a bombing would occur. McBride destroyed his phone and tossed the broken remnants of it in a parking lot and some bushes to evade being tracked by the CIA, FBI, and Department of Defense who he was convinced were following his every step. Before reaching his destination, McBride started noticing that he was being passed by white utility trucks. These were no ordinary trucks, McBride was convinced. They were, to his mind, evidence of the Illuminati following him, on his trail. Intent on killing him. Quite disturbed mentally at this point, McBride stopped in Bakersfield staying the night at the illustrious Vagabond Inn, a motel where he watched television and had some Scotch to wind down. The next day he got back on the road, then picked up a soon-to-be-famous hitchhiker he saw near the on-ramp to northbound State Route 99 not far from the Vagabond. The hitchhiker introduced himself as Kai and asked McBride if he was heading as far as Fresno. McBride told him that he would be heading through the area on his way to Tacoma. While staying in Bakersfield, he had received messages from his nephew and Donna, his wife, who he was supposed to pick up at the airport. This unexpected intrusion from reality slightly changed his unhinged “attempt at heroism” at the Super Bowl in New Orleans. It was once they made it into Fresno’s Tower District that Kai offered to pick up some cannabis. Jett McBride handed him $40 after which Kai disappeared into a convenience store, shortly after emerging with a bag of weed and some rolling papers. Kai rolled the joint as McBride, who was unfamiliar with Fresno, began to drive. McBride describes having a “deep” conversation with Kai and eventually extended his hand to the young hitchhiker, leaning over to hug him. “Depressed and distraught” is how he’s described in the court transcript. The grown man also began crying over his wife. From this point on, it becomes obvious that the story has been doctored somewhat to make McBride look better. Even though it was admitted that McBride began believing that white utility trucks were agents of the Illuminati, it was McGillivary who supposedly said the electrical workers were planting bombs. Of course, it’s quite likely that this was a narrative cooked up by McBride’s attorney, Scott Baly. Considering Kai wouldn’t be able to defend himself or offer his eye-witness testimony, it was possible to try and pin more blame on him to alleviate the well-earned scorn directed at the alleged rapist with his racist slurs and dangerously unhinged conspiracy theories. Despite the reported flurry of racial slurs aimed toward Neely and other minorities at the scene, McBride’s defense claimed that he was “trying to heal Neely.” The defense claims, contrary to what witnesses on the scene have claimed, that McBride “at no time” made any racial statements or used “racial epithets.” Neely’s reported response to McBride attempting to “heal” the serious and potentially life-threatening injury he was responsible for was something to the tune of, “Get this fucker off of me.” This, once again, ripped straight from McBride’s trial transcript. The big bear of a man described the flurry of activity, the desperate attempt to put his rampage to a halt. He “thought he was dying” as he felt a knee on his back, someone grabbing his neck, someone pushing him to the ground, a boot in his face. All he claims to recall is saying, “Get off of me.” Around this time, for whatever reason, McBride began to disrobe. He was now convinced he was not only “filled with the Holy Spirit” and an incarnation of Jesus Christ. He was also playing the role of “witness to the end times” (as per Revelations, the two witnesses who would be killed, stripped, and left in the streets for three and a half days). If the people attacking him, or rather, attempting to slow or stop his assault, in the real world, were to kill him then “they were going to have to drag his body through the street, naked.” Now McBride has decided he’s not just a witness to the end times, Jesus, and filled with the Holy Spirit. He’s also the prophet Enoch. A direct ancestor of Jesus Christ. McBride, once he had conferred with defense to set the stories straight for the trial, would have little positive to say about Kai. This despite the fact he had earlier referred to him as the “coolest son-of-a-bitch” he had ever met. He had gone from telling his wife Donna that he wanted to adopt Kai to changing his story to Kai being the one jerking the wheel so the vehicle would crush Neely after Donna reported to him how Kai had explained McBride’s stated aim was to “clean all the n****rs out.” McBride would eventually admit that it was not Kai who had twisted the wheel to pin Neely but did deny that his attack had anything to do with his race. Neely was, McBride claimed, Illuminati. The disorganized thinking of a schizophrenic or person in the throes of a psychotic break is hard to follow. Perhaps the racial element and the delusion regarding white utility vehicles being secret Illuminati spies were conflated in McBride’s muddled head. Chicago’s ABC7 Action News spoke with some of the victims of McBride’s rampage. Most expressed a hope to fully recover from their injuries and put the whole nightmare behind them, though at least one expressed concern, hoping that McBride wouldn’t find himself released without consequences for his brutal actions. One popular misconception that has entered Kai the Hitchhiker lore is that Kai killed the deranged, attempted murderer rather than subduing him with the flat end of his hatchet. It probably didn’t help that during the Jimmy Kimmel appearance, the host jokingly thanked Kai for not killing him. Stephen Colbert, currently the host of The Tonight Show, was starring in The Colbert Report on Comedy Central at the time. On the show, Colbert covers the Kai the Hitchhiker story, joking that he has “highway prejudice of my own: against axe-wielding hitchhikers.” The story played into an already existing urban myth regarding the mythical ax or hatchet or knife-wielding serial killer hitchhiker. The Union County prosecutor and associate of the alleged rapist Joseph Galfy promoted severely damaging disinformation. That, perhaps, Kai was some nefarious serial killer utilizing the highways as his hunting ground. That same prosecutor, by the way, incidentally or coincidentally stepped down, after 11 years, the same day Kai was arrested. Perfect timing if you’d rather not have your recusal on the record. *** Excerpt from Smash, Smash, Smash: The True Story of Kai the Hitchhiker by Philip Fairbanks. Copyright 2023 by Philip Fairbanks. Reproduced with permission from Philip Fairbanks. All rights reserved.

 

 

Author Philip Fairbanks:

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Philip Fairbanks

Philip Fairbanks has been a published writer for over 20 years. Most of his writing has been in the field of entertainment reporting and investigative journalism as well as certain academic subjects. He has appeared multiple times in the CUNY graduate paper The Advocate (who published an article by Fairbanks last June), SUNY art journal Afterimage, Ghettoblaster features, interviews and reviews, UK newspaper The Morning Star, UK lit journal White Chimney, Impose, Delusions of Adequacy, and many more print and online publications have published him. His first book covered issues such as the Epstein scandal, the Finders cult, online grooming and exploitation of children, and the UK grooming epidemic. He felt it was important to write a book on institutional pedophilia that dispels some of the wild disinfo related to Qanon and Pizzagate. Philip is also a voice actor and narrated the audiobook for the first book and is in the process of recording the audiobook for Smash, Smash, Smash.

Catch Up With Philip Fairbanks: TrueStoryofKai.com Goodreads BookBub – @kafkaguy Twitter – @kafkaguy Facebook – @truestoryofkai

 

 

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Welcome to my stop on the virtual book tour for Nonbinary, Trans, Pan And Lovesick organized by Goddess Fish Promotions.

Author E.S. Corby will award a $20 Amazon or B&N Gift Card to a randomly drawn winner. Don’t forget to enter!

And you can click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.

Nonbinary, Trans, Pan, And Lovesick

by E.S. Corby

 

 

Genre: LGBTQIA+ Poetry

Synopsis

Sex is awkward! Gender is confusing!

Discovering his gender and sexual identities in the lonely dungeon of the pandemic, Echo Corby found an outlet through poetry. Graduating high school as everyone was thrust into isolation, friends were hard to find and love was even harder. Loneliness made him crave connection even more, but what did he like and who would love him?

Piecing together the queer world, Corby uses comedy and anecdote to express the uncomfortable ins and awkward outs of gender, sex, love and all outrage that comes with categorization. This collection of autobiographical poetry is a form of release and expression of the vibrant emotions that so many of the LGBTQIA+ community struggle with.

Corby prides himself as an open-book. The vulnerability enclosed within these pages proves as much.

 

Enjoy this peek inside:

Plant Shop

I went to a plant shop with my family/friend,

And knocked things over like a freight truck making a tight turn,

In the shop with candles and glass things and books propped on spindly legged tables,

You’d wonder why I was so concerned,

Of course something would fall! —But no.

I’m not usually this uncoordinated,

And compared to the family/friend I brought along,

The person my family doesn’t trust with any drink without a cap,

Who was suddenly surefooted in contrast to me,

And as lithe as sun-basking deer.

The reason for my klutziness I realized as we left,

Was I had a crush on the person behind the counter.

And when I asked them to make a cactus and succulent array,

Maybe it was an apology for my prudence and an excuse to stay.

In the general area, while they made me my pot,

I knocked over dirt after the candles, I knocked over a lot.

When I spilled all those candles onto the ground,

The most upsetting thing was that they weren’t even around!

I’d never been that clumsy, I didn’t think,

Shatter glass, spill dirt,

Then I turn pink,

When they’re there and they smile at me.

Of course, I offered to pay—

They declined the offer, smiling.

Wait, isn’t that the American way?

But in Europe they don’t do that, the store writes it off as tax.

I wish I had known that before I let my companion assure me that I didn’t need to

To make me relax.

Is it desperate to ponder if they had let me pass free,

Because they were actually attracted to me?

Their coworker looked peeved,

No—outright upset.

But they smiled perhaps dissimilar to anyone I’ve met.

I mentioned the dorms; they knew I wasn’t twelve.

They must have assumed I was a lesbian like everyone else.

I know they assumed this of me because of a conversation after,

Where my family/friend said to me that they hadn’t even asked her—

They had told her that we made a great couple.

I didn’t ask of course, but based on the conversation’s context,

It seemed clear my companion didn’t correct them.

Why didn’t she correct them? Maybe it didn’t feel right,

When we spilled in their store and made their shift tight,

With cleaning up the glass and the bits of dirt

That I left in my wake when I turned my metaphorical skirt

To the door with my cactus in hand.

I don’t claim to know their pronoun,

I’d never just assume,

But they could quite possibly have been a lesbian too.

And in that case, maybe I would dare to be a lesbian for a day.

Or is that too self-destructive to muse then to say?

Now I stare at the wall,

Placidly daydreaming,

Of a date we might have had,

Or a life with some meaning.

Maybe I’m just depressed,

Or it’s just PMS,

But I consider a life that isn’t such a stagnant mess.

No pandemic—I’m in college,

Surrounded by peers,

And I’m not suffering from the loneliness,

That makes minutes feel like years.

And my family/friend keeps laughing,

About the stuff that I spilled,

In the store with my crush,

Where I can’t hope to rebuild,

A relationship with them because they think I’m a double—not single—lesbian.

About Author Echo Corby:

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https://i0.wp.com/blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE_0L1wAa9xexnwJr-MjnDJVFMjdq-6Q6l641MFRQDJvwtsrWYgaCOLMhYKow3voJG0WZ8osmlEfjY7X9hfZtB4TpROwDuxK9mbEG6oY-jjFPgf0_iY9zsX38lYsJ91ULVHcrOm_4kUktnT7V5VCqH3dX6a0N61iXTB7W2q7SLyfysvSbtBsJTs8Fd9oI/s3984/Author%20Image.JPG?ssl=1

Having started writing “seriously” as an ignorant fourteen-year-old, Echo has progressed in his writing and editing skills since finding the inspiration in middle school. His whole life, his imagination has always driven him in the creative writing and arts fields. The imagination of childhood has never left him but has evolved into something malleable to his career and tolerable in his vocabulary and sentence structure. Echo’s writing and other creative endeavors have deep relevance to his personal life, as his characters, world and themes always reflect aspects of his personality and identity in ways that may go beyond the average reader’s comprehension. Often writers add elements of themselves to their characters, as it is easier to write what we know, but Echo goes beyond that in exploring deeply sentimental to traumatic elements in his life as a form of therapy for himself and others tackling similar internal conflicts. As a trans masc, nonbinary, pansexual man discovering his identity in the middle of a pandemic, his writing also acts as a way of exploring himself deeper as well as dealing with mental health issues he has been struggling with his whole life. Writing is both deeply personal for him and also something he has always wanted to share with the world. He feels emotions are better told then hidden and that building a community is extremely important to recovery and rejuvenation.

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